


Long, Winding Roads

by elfin



Series: Long & Winding Roads [1]
Category: Shetland (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-18
Updated: 2014-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-19 22:17:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1486123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elfin/pseuds/elfin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years of friendship, Jimmy and Duncan spend a weekend together that changes everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Long, Winding Roads

**Author's Note:**

> I don't live on the Shetland Islands, I've never been to Shetland. The furthest north I've ever been is Edinburgh. I apologise for the errors re: the weather, the distances, the places, etc. I've tried my best with the internet and google maps but there's no substitute for local knowledge.
> 
> I believe also that this is the first Shetland fic ever posted on the internet. If I'm wrong, I would love it, and would love to read other fic out there!

As they turned from saying goodbye to the girl they both loved, Jimmy put his hand on Duncan’s shoulder, sweeping it across his back, and it felt like an anchor stopping him from coming adrift. 

It was time to let go. Jimmy had been the one against the trip from the start, but something had changed his mind, likely everything that had gone on in Skellwick. Yet, at the airport, it was Duncan who’d almost asked her not to go. The gate, through which Cassie and her friends had jostled, was the fastest way off Shetland, and once people discovered the way off, very few came back for long. He’d watched Mary leave through the same gate with their young daughter, and she hadn’t come back. At the time, he’d believed she would come back, or maybe that was just another lie he’d told himself because he was an expert at lying to himself.

‘She’ll miss us,’ Jimmy assured him confidently, referring to Cassie. He hoped it was true. It was something to cling to until she came home. He let himself be led out to where they’d parked Jimmy’s Volvo. ‘Fancy a drink?’ It was just what Duncan had been going to ask him.

‘Yes. Yes, I do.’

 

Jimmy’s place felt empty without Cassie, and he knew his house would feel the same way even though she didn’t live there. The island felt empty with her gone. And Christ, how maudlin was he going to get once he had whisky?

He sat on the sofa and stared at nothing, listening to Jimmy washing glasses in the kitchen sink, to cupboards opening and closing, cutlery against china. After a few minutes he came through into the living room, pulled a small table out from the corner, and set down a plate of cheese and crackers. Then he went out again and came back with two crystal tumblers and a bottle of single malt from the sideboard. He put one of the glasses into Duncan’s waiting hand, pulled the cork from the bottle with his teeth, and poured them both a generous measure. Then he sat down on the footstool opposite the sofa and clinked his glass gently against Duncan’s before taking a swig.

Duncan leaned back against the sofa cushions, sampling, savouring the excellent dram. 

’I remember going to the Edinburgh Festival,’ he said, ‘long time ago now.’

‘Aye, me too. Beer, shots and necking in bars is what I remember,’ Jimmy smiled wryly, ‘which is why I didn’t want her to go.’

‘Things have changed since our day.’

‘Aye. Booze is more expensive and necking’s a hell of a lot cheaper.’

Duncan laughed. 

‘Who says ‘necking’ these days?’

‘No one, probably. Me.’ Jimmy put down his glass and picked up the cheese knife, cutting a thick wedge of cheddar, taking a large bite out of it, not bothering with a biscuit. Duncan sat up, helped himself to the Blue. 

‘She’s sensible. She’s with her friends and they’re good friends. They’ll take care of one another.’ He wasn’t sure which of them he was trying to reassure. ‘What changed your mind?’

Jimmy shrugged. 

’Evie, the girl over in Skellwick, and her Dad. I don’t want Cassie to ever feel like she needs to escape me - us - the island. I want her to feel that she can always come home, that we’ll always be here for her no matter what. But I know I need to let her find her own way. I’ll worry about her every minute I don’t know where she is but she’s right, she’ll be going to university next year and that’s going to make a weekend at the Edinburgh Festival seem like a stay at a convent.’

Duncan laughed, feeling a weight suddenly lift from him. He’d wanted to play good cop, Jimmy was right, but the thought of her alone in the big bad world scared him as much as it scared her Dad. Worrying about her together somehow made it easier. 

They finished their drinks and Jimmy refilled their glasses. 

 

Four glasses in, they were reliving memories of Edinburgh Festivals gone by. Duncan had a story about a newt that had Jimmy crying with laughter, and Jimmy’s rambling tale about them trying to break into the castle at midnight had Duncan choking on his cheese. It was only after he’d stopped coughing violently that he noticed the hand on his leg, Jimmy’s palm warm through his jeans. He stared at it, not looking up because he knew what he would see if he did. Instead, he waited an age of silence for Jimmy to pull back and when he didn't, he gathered his courage, abandoned his sanity and stroked the knuckle of his index finger over the back of Jimmy’s hand. When he finally lifted his head, he could see the amusement on the other man’s face as a smile lifted the corners of his mouth. 

‘Ah,’ he murmured softly, ‘are we doing this again?’ Duncan couldn’t answer, his mouth had gone dry. ‘It’s been a very long time.’

He swallowed.

‘It has. And you're the one with your hand on my leg.'

Jimmy laughed, bastard, but didn't sit back. 

'I wanted to see what you'd do. You've been flirting with half the island recently, I wondered if you’d still flirt with me.'

It was the drink, at least it was for him, it always was. He wasn’t sure about Jimmy, had never been able to tell when he was actually drunk or when he was letting the booze take the blame for his behaviour.

‘I haven’t forgotten what to do, if you’re worried.’ Jimmy's hand moved up his leg, the pressure and heat of it increasing with every inch. They'd done this a couple of times, years ago, before life became complicated, before one of the things they shared was grief. 

‘I’m not worried, actually.' Whatever Jimmy thought, it had been a while since someone had touched Duncan with such unambiguous meaning, and words weren't easy to come by since the blood from his brain was being diverted to other, more vital parts of his anatomy. 

Strong, certain fingertips followed the seam of his jeans up along his inner thigh until they stopped half an inch from their goal. 

‘I need you to say yes,' he murmured.

Duncan swallowed, nodded. 

'Yes.'

He closed his eyes briefly as he self-consciously shifted his legs further apart, giving Jimmy better access. He felt the relief as his fly was unbuttoned and unzipped, erection finally given room, caught in a hot palm. Dropping his head back against the sofa cushions, he didn't bother trying to stifle the groan that rose from his throat, hoping it didn't sound as grateful and as relieved as it felt. He reached out blindly, hand finding Jimmy's knee, curving around it, gripping tight as skilled fingers took him slowly to an inevitable end point, no rush, no urgency in Jimmy’s actions. Like he could do this all night. 

It was over too quickly, climax almost taking him by surprise, and he barely had time to open his eyes and see Jimmy’s strange expression - emotions he didn’t have the capacity to interpret right then - before he made a mess over Jimmy's hand, his own jeans, the sofa. Jimmy fetched a box of tissues from the sideboard, and Duncan took a fistful, cleaned up roughly, not really caring very much. 

He dropped the dirty tissues to the floor, turned to look at his daughter's dad, who'd come to sit on the sofa next to him, and murmured, 

'Your turn.’

Jimmy met his gaze. 

'Come to bed.'

That had been the last thing he was expecting to hear. 

'What?'

'Stay the night.'

Duncan weighed up his options. Bleak taxi ride back to his place, crawling into bed alone, or taking Jimmy to up on his offer and risk waking in the morning to a potentially friendship destroying awkwardness and a long walk back to his place to clear his head. At least if he stayed he'd get sex, even if he had to deal with the fallout sooner rather than later, before Cassie got back on Monday and worked out there was something wrong. Jimmy was still watching him, smile dancing around his lips. Duncan shrugged and nodded like it was nothing.

'Okay.'

 

He couldn’t feel the effects of the whisky the way he thought he should as he waited for Jimmy to switch the lights out before following him up to his bedroom. It was a large house for two people. Cassie had the bedroom over looking the water, Jimmy was in the room closest to the road. It was a plain room, masculine; blues and greys, a big bed with dark blue sheets and a matching duvet still thrown back from that morning, two pillows in an untidy pile at the head. 

'Sorry. I wasn't expecting company.'

Duncan suspected he was the first person, other than the two who lived there, to see the room since Jimmy, or possibly Cassie, had redecorated it. But he didn’t comment. There was a moment of the awkwardness he'd been hoping wouldn't show its face until morning, but it was only a moment. Then Jimmy lifted his jumper off over his head and started to unfasten his jeans and Duncan decided he might as well just go with it.

He'd never actually seen Jimmy naked, he realised when he caught himself staring. He was slimmer than the layers of T-shirts and woolly jumpers made him sometimes, appear which shouldn’t have been a huge surprise seeing as Cassie said he hardly ate, didn’t sleep, and preferred whisky to beer nowadays. He was surprisingly in shape seemingly without putting in the effort Duncan had to in his daily routine, something he was, to be fair, becoming slowly less obsessed with as the months and years trampled by.

'What?' 

Yes, he was staring. He looked away then looked back. 

'What the hell are we doing?'

Jimmy rolled his eyes. 

'Having sex. Nothing we haven't done before.' 

This was something they hadn't done before, but Duncan stripped anyway and didn’t correct him. He had nothing to be ashamed of, except that his body was going to take some persuading to go for round two if that's what Jimmy had in mind. 

And it was, apparently, because as soon as he'd got his ass onto the mattress, Jimmy was on him, or more accurately, over him, looming, straddling his thighs yet only barely touching him. One of his hands was flat on the bed to the side of Duncan's head, over his right shoulder, taking his weight while he reached down between them with the other and pressed the length of his cock against Duncan's, which immediately expressed an unexpected interest in a second outing, especially when Jimmy did that with his thumb and sparks went off behind Duncan's eyes. 

Like on the sofa, Jimmy kept his movements slow and steady, not in any rush to find his own release, watching Duncan's face the whole time, gaze flicking between his eyes and his mouth. They'd never kissed. Mutual masturbation was one thing, apparently, but mouth to mouth was something else. Then again, Duncan couldn't remember ever kissing another man, and Jimmy was by no means the only one he'd been with over the years. He was the most patient though, driving Duncan gradually insane with every tight down stroke, every slight twist of his wrist on the up. He tried to grip Jimmy’s shoulders but his skin was sweaty and his hands slipped. He scraped his fingernails down his arms, reaching to grip Jimmy’s hips to bring him closer, faster, something. Anything. 

Because he'd already come once, his orgasm was lazy, happy to balance on the edge where Jimmy was holding it, but his entire body was taut, every muscle tensed. Pushing into Jimmy's grip got him nowhere. How the hell the guy was holding himself up like that for so long he had no idea, but when he lowered himself to flick the tip of his tongue over Duncan's right nipple, he could feel the tension in him, and taking the opportunity, Duncan lifted his head and bit gently into the side of Jimmy’s throat.

Jimmy cried out, and Duncan felt the orgasm rip through him, felt the pulsing of his cock and the shaking of his muscles. Watching Jimmy come apart sparked his own climax and it hit hard, almost a shock after the first one, sharper this time but no less breathtaking. He thought Jimmy would collapse on top of him and maybe he wouldn’t have minded after that, but he didn’t. Instead he pushed himself off and toppled onto his back at Duncan’s side. 

‘Fuck,’ he murmured, chuckling softly, and Duncan felt suddenly relieved without realising he’d been anxious.

‘Yeah.’ He waited for his pulse to return to normal before he checked, ‘Is it okay to stay?’

Jimmy pushed himself up with some effort and frowned at him. 

‘Course it is. You think I”d make you leave after that? What’s wrong?’

Duncan stared at him; flushed face, sweat-damp hair clinging to his forehead, puzzlement in his eyes. He reached up without really wanting to and touched Jimmy’s throat, just below his right ear, where he’d bitten it. Nothing was wrong, exactly, but everything wasn’t right. He felt as if they’d broken something. Or maybe they’d fixed something.

‘Nothing.’ He shook his head. ‘Which side of the bed do you sleep on?’

 

Duncan opened his eyes and for a split second had no clue as to where he was. Then he remembered. He looked around the blue room with the slate coloured carpet and listened for sounds, for proof Jimmy was still in his own home. The curtains had been drawn across the window that was set too high for him to see out of from the bed, but there was light anyway, streaming in through the two small skylights set in the gently angled ceiling. On the high chest of drawers under the window he could see a frame, side on to the bed but he knew the photograph would be of Fran, and a short stack of books with their binds facing away from him. There was a wide mirror on the opposite wall, and wardrobes fitted into the far corner of the room, but that was as far as furniture and contents went. Jimmy didn’t spend any time in this room.

He heard the front door open and close, then there were noises; Jimmy in the kitchen, making coffee if he was interpreting the grinding sound correctly. He waited, lying back under the duvet and staring at the white, uneven ceiling. So he wasn’t going to be immediately thrown out. Not a huge surprise. Jimmy had been the one to start this, after all. At least this time. 

Five, ten minutes later, the bedroom door opened and Jimmy stepped inside, two mugs of coffee in his hands, each with a plate balanced on the top, pasties on them from the near by bakery. Duncan sat up.

‘Did you walk into town?

Jimmy shrugged. ’You were well away.’

He handed Duncan a mug with a plate on it and eased himself onto the bed, one leg tucked under him. Today’s jumper was dark blue over a white t-shirt. It made Duncan smile.

‘Is there anything other than jumpers in those drawers?’

Jimmy smiled back at him.

‘I’ve made you fresh coffee and been out to buy you breakfast, and all you can do is insult my wardrobe?’

‘I didn’t mention your wardrobe.’ He smiled. ‘Thank you.’

‘You’re welcome.’

The awkwardness he’d been worried about just wasn’t present. He bit into one of the two large, warm croissants on his plate. How long since he’d enjoyed such a simple pleasure? He watched Jimmy devour his first one, scattering flakes of pastry over the duvet.

‘I was thinking… if you wanted, you could stay for the weekend.’

‘You don’t have to work?’

‘Not unless I’m called in. You?’ 

Duncan acknowledged the gentle dig with a brief incline of his head. He tasted his coffee; strong, white, one sugar. Just the way he’d always drank it. Jimmy must have made hundreds of mugs of coffee for him over the years. He finished off his second croissant, this one with an almond paste in the centre. It was fucking divine. Duncan licked his fingers and reached back to put the plate on the small bedside table. They drank their coffee in a strangely peaceful silence.

‘So what did you want to do today?’ Duncan asked eventually, when his mug was empty. Jimmy shrugged, but his smile was filthy.

‘I can think of a couple of things.’

 

They’d only done this a couple of times and they’d never gone further than they had last night, then again they’d never spent more than a couple of hours doing it. They’d never actually slept together. They’d never spent a morning together, duvet thrown back, Jimmy’s leg thrown over Duncan’s thigh, getting each other off in a lazy rhythm, Duncan nipping and biting at Jimmy’s shoulder, Jimmy kissing Duncan’s neck. They came within seconds of one another, hearts hammering, pulses racing.

‘I need a shower,’ Duncan muttered after a few minutes of lying together in the afterglow.

‘Can I join you?’

The bathroom was one of two rooms Jimmy had had modernised in the property. He worked all hours, he tended to get woken in the middle of the night, worked all over the island in all weathers at all times. The two things he needed more than anything else easy access to fresh, strong coffee and a damn good shower. It was a walk-in, with a head the size of a dinner plate and a glass stall big enough for four. Given that the size wasn’t important to Jimmy at the time of choosing it, Duncan could only be thankful for his forethought.

Jimmy’s fingers in his shoulders were incredible, shower gel and hot water lubricating the massage. Duncan pressed his hands to the tiled wall and dropped his head forward, water streaming through his hair while Jimmy’s attention moved down his back. When he reached the swell of his ass, he pressed the heels of his hands into his cheeks and put his whole body weight behind them. The groan Duncan couldn’t keep to himself came from the pit of his stomach, a well of something inside him that Jimmy had unintentionally pried open. He was hard again, and so was Jimmy; he could feel his erection against the back of his thigh. 

‘I haven’t felt like this since I was nineteen,’ he joked, his voice sounding rough to his own ears. 

‘I haven’t done anything like this since I was nineteen,’ Jimmy muttered in reply, and he sounded like the Jimmy Perez Duncan had known most of his life, but his hands sliding around his hips to palm his balls and take a hold of his cock honestly didn’t feel like him. 

Jimmy’s mouth settled against the crook of his neck, his hands teasing, unfocused, stroking him in an uneven rhythm. 

‘If I do something….’

‘You’ll be the first to know.’ He couldn’t not thrust into Jimmy’s loose, soapy grip. ‘You’re doing everything right. Just… do it harder.’ As instructed, Jimmy’s hand tightened, setting a quick tempo, and after a couple of long minutes, Duncan came again, the water washing them both clean. He turned around, letting the wall support him along with his trembling legs and locked out knees, and reached for Jimmy’s erection, fingers tight at the top, loose at the base, pulling his foreskin back, flicking his thumb over the exposed head. Jimmy reached out, flattened one hand against the wall over Duncan’s shoulder and shuddered as his orgasm was pulled from him.

‘Jesus Christ.’ They leaned on one another, just for a few seconds, just until they were sure their legs would hold them. ‘I need a time out.’ Duncan had to agree.

 

They dried and dressed, keeping a respectful distance from one another. 

Jimmy made sandwiches while Duncan selected a decent bottle of red from Jimmy’s modest collection. They dropped side by side into the sofa, sat and ate while they talked a little bit about nothing, about what Cassie might be seeing at the festival, about what they’d got up to in the years they’d gone.

They drank the bottle over a couple of hours, each trying to remember the last time they’d done something so lazy as slouching on a sofa drinking wine and munching through a huge bag of Walkers crisps, one Jimmy had dug out from the back of the cupboard. Neither of them spoke about what they were actually doing until around one in the afternoon, when Duncan asked,

‘Have you got any porn?’

Jimmy rolled his head against the back of the sofa, but his expression wasn’t a questioning one, it was thoughtful.

‘Um. Yeah. Somewhere.’

He got up and went upstairs, and Duncan sat for a while and listened to the muffled banging of cupboard doors and things being sorted through. When Jimmy came back down, he handed Duncan two DVDs. Neither of them looked like the expensive mail order stuff that he had safely hidden away in his own collection. But then again, he doubted he had anything fifteen year old kids weren't downloading from the internet these days. The DVDs Jimmy handed him looked as if they could probably be bought from any Ann Summers store on any high street on the mainland. One had a party of men and women on the front, tits covered by a label Jimmy hadn’t bothered to remove, everything else artfully hidden. The other was definitely men only, and that was the one he handed back. It seemed to suit the theme of the weekend.

Jimmy put the disk in the player, handed Duncan the remote and fetched a second bottle of wine from the kitchen. He filled their glasses and sat back down, in the middle of the sofa instead of at the opposite end, letting his knee and thigh touch Duncan’s. 

They spent the next twenty minutes commentating on the physiques of the actors, the unfeasible size of their cocks, and the logistics required to get into some of the positions they were having sex in. But when the scene cut from the general orgy to one guy on his knees giving a second guy a simple blow job, they both fell silent.

Eventually Jimmy was the first to say,

‘I could do that.’

Duncan’s cock, which had obviously been taking a vaguely sated interest in the movie, felt suddenly trapped in the tight confines of his jeans. 

‘Really?’

He didn’t know what else to say. He’d never turned down the offer of a blow job and he’d never met a man who had or would, but it felt like a line to be crossed. He’d always imagined that grabbing one another’s cocks was what lots of men did with their pals now and again, when there was too much booze and not enough women. But he’d never had a straight man offer to blow him before and he’d always thought of Jimmy as a straight man who jerked off with his friend now and again. He thought of himself as bi-sexual; he liked sex, he didn’t like to miss an opportunity to have it. It didn’t really matter what gender his partner was, just that he was attracted to him or her, and that he or she was happy and willing to go along with it.

‘How difficult can it be?’ Jimmy asked and Duncan didn’t want to answer. Depends on who you’re doing it with, how big and how demanding they are, didn’t seem like an appropriate response.

Both of them were too old to be this affected by half a bottle of wine. Duncan had to assume that Jimmy was serious. He sounded serious. On the screen in front of them, the guy being sucked on - or off, Duncan supposed - had his hands on the other guy’s head, was essentially holding him in place while he fucked his mouth. 

‘Don’t do that,’ Jimmy warned him, and Duncan realised he was actually serious. 

‘You don’t… I mean, we don’t…. We shouldn’t.’

‘Why?’ 

Jimmy shrugged, sat up and put down his wine, and all Duncan could do was stare as he unfastened the button at the top of his fly. He kept his hands safely planted on the sofa, one was still holding his wine glass anyway, and shifted to let Jimmy get his fly open, get his jeans down enough to let his earner erection spring free. He still couldn’t quite believe he was going to go through with it. Not until Jimmy shifted back and leaned over him, not until he wrapped his hand around the base of Duncan’s cock and flicked his tongue over the head of it.

He actually thought, for one horrible moment, that he might come just from that. Even after last night and the shower that morning. But the horror of the idea stopped him, and he just kept staring, unable to even comprehend what words he might say if could work out how to say them.

He’d done this with guys before, a few times, but Jimmy obviously hadn’t, which made it all the more incredible. And what he lacked in experience - as the saying went - he made up for in technique even if he didn’t seem too certain about it. The suction of his mouth when he did take Duncan in, the heat and tension in his lips when he went down, the gentle, experimental scrape of teeth over the ridge of his foreskin. It all combined with the mere sight of Jimmy Perez with his head in Duncan Hunter’s lap to bring him to one hell of a shattering orgasm, one he thankfully had the foresight to warn Jimmy about a second before it hit.

When Jimmy lifted his head and Duncan saw the pearl drop of semen on the end of his nose, he started to laugh and couldn’t stop until it was that, or pass out from a lack of oxygen. Tears rolled down his face, he was clutching his chest like he was having a heart attack, and he felt so fucking happy for the first time in forever, that having Jimmy sitting staring at him - with the best expression of amusement on his face that he’d seen in ages - felt like his whole life had been leading up to this one, single moment. 

‘I can’t actually believe you did that.’

Jimmy grinned, looking so smug.

‘Neither can I.’

‘How was it?’

‘You tell me.’

‘No, I mean…. No. It was… incredible. As you probably noticed.’ He reached out and wiped the spot of come from Jimmy’s nose. ‘How was it from where you were sitting?’

‘Awkward. Sorry I didn’t -‘

Duncan shook his head. 

‘Do not apologise for not swallowing, idiot.’ 

He wanted to kiss him, wanted to slide his tongue into Jimmy’s mouth and possess him that way, just for a few moments. But, stupidly, that still felt like a line they couldn’t cross. Like it was okay to share bodily fluids as long as a cock was involved somehow. Which was crazy.

‘You’re insane. Why didn’t I know this before today? I’ve known you most of my life.’

Jimmy reached for his wine glass again and emptied it in one mouthful, picking up the bottle to refill it. Duncan watched, waving a hand in the general direction of his groin.

‘Can I…?’

Jimmy shrugged, saying ruefully,

’You’re all right for the minute. Still knackered from the shower. Mebbe later, ay? But only if you want to.’

He winked, grinned, but there was no challenge, no sense of oneupmanship. He meant it. 

Duncan did want to, when Jimmy was up for it again. So to speak. On the DVD, the scene had cut again, this time to a guy taking a pounding in the ass. He saw Jimmy see him look.

‘Don’t even think about it.’ 

Duncan didn’t have the balls to say that it was way too late.

 

They turned the porn off and Jimmy put on one of Cassie’s DVDs; an action movie with a ridiculously good looking star playing a veteran soldier. They sat close together watching it, occasionally adding their own witticisms, Duncan enjoying the sensation of warmth along his left side where they touched. When the film finished, they glanced at one another and grinned. Duncan still couldn’t quite believe how easy this was, how little tension there was between them. Then again, it had always been easier than he imagined it was, when he thought about it. Again and again he’d done things that should, in all fairness, have got him arrested, but that had ended up getting him nothing more than a proverbial slap on the wrist.

Jimmy pushed himself off the sofa.

‘I’ll make us something.’

Duncan followed him up. 

‘Cassie says your cooking’s terrible. Allow me.’

‘Oh, she does, does she?’ 

But he didn’t seem to mind, and in the kitchen he actually followed the basic instructions Duncan issued so that they ended up, after an hour, with a half-decent pasta Bolognese. They’d slowed down with the wine and there was still half a bottle of the red from earlier, so they sat back on the sofa to eat, refilling their glasses. 

‘Guess I’m staying over again tonight, unless you want rid of me?’

‘Why would I want rid of you?’

That was the sum total of the discussion. They talked about other things, nothing of any importance, glossing over Duncan’s various business ventures and some of the more ridiculous incidents the Shetland Constabulary got called out to. They sorted out some of the little lies Cassie had told over the years, playing one of them off the other one as kids did. Neither of them had to say that their daughter didn’t need to know about this weekend, like they hadn’t needed to agree to keep their previous encounters a secret all those years ago. Maybe not so much a secret, more that they didn’t feel it was anyone else’s business. Not that last night and today felt the same as those times in the past. They hadn’t even been one night stands, just quick flashes of attraction, of functional connection. 

He didn’t have a name for what was happening now.

When it went dark outside, as dark as it got on Shetland in the summer, they switched to whisky and went out into the yard. The Francesca, the boat Jimmy had spent a year and a half building after Fran’s death, was anchored in the docks now, used rarely according to Cassie, but at least he’d finished it. 

They walked out for ten minutes along the coastal path, then back, glasses hanging from chilled fingers, still talking about everything and nothing, just enjoying one another’s company. 

Jimmy kept a fire pit in the yard, and they lit it under the light night sky, sitting on patio chairs Jimmy had bought at a garden centre sale on the mainland and had shipped over the year before. They fell naturally into the kind of silence shared by two people who’d known one another a long time, listening to the soothing sound of the water. Duncan savoured the single malt and stared at the flames, feeling warm inside, satisfied, content; more content than he’d felt in a long while, since before Mary had left. It was still a surprise that he’d found these feelings in Jimmy’s company, in Jimmy’s arms, such as the sex had been. Neither of them, it seemed, were the cuddling type, but at the same time there was nothing cold about Jimmy. Maybe the sex was easy and it was the intimacy that would take time. And Christ, didn't that sound like he was considering a relationship? More than a one-night stand, more than just the odd hand job when their lives allowed. He glanced over at Jimmy, who was also staring at the flames. There was a smile on his lips and he looked relaxed, more relaxed than he’d looked in ages. Or rather, more relaxed than Duncan had seen him look in ages; and for so long his and Jimmy’s exchanges had been mostly about his business dealings, or about Cassie; two subjects on which they habitually disagreed.

He wondered what this was for Jimmy, whether he was just company while Cassie was away, a distraction from the empty house, or something more. He could have just gone in to work, Duncan supposed, he didn’t have to stay at home alone for the two days. He hoped he wasn’t just anything. Then again, he thought, it was probably the wine and the whisky putting inappropriate thoughts in his head. 

‘What’s up?’ Jimmy asked quietly, breaking the self-destructive spiral in his mind. He sat up, resting his forearms on his legs and watching the fire light up the amber liquid in his glass.

‘Nothing.’

‘Don’t you need to be a better liar in your line of work?’

Duncan chuckled.

‘I’m a businessman, not a conman.’

‘Aye, that’s what Cassie tells me.’ 

He glanced across and saw the affectionate smile on Jimmy’s face, wondered if it was for him or for her.

‘I was just thinking how nice this was.’

‘Nice?’

‘Yes. Don’t take the piss.’

‘I wasne going to.’

‘Yes you were.’

Jimmy inclined his head slightly, smiling.

‘Aye. Mebbe I was a little.’

He reached out, palm up, jumper sleeve falling to cover the heel of his hand, and stroked the side of his finger along the back of Duncan’s wrist. It took him a moment to respond, the simple touch surprising him. But before Jimmy could think he’d made a mistake, Duncan turned his hand over and slid it back to lace his fingers loosely between Jimmy’s. As much as he wanted to know where this was going, if it was going anywhere, he definitely didn’t want to break the spell.

‘Want to go to bed?’ Jimmy asked quietly after a minute or so. Duncan nodded. Yes, he did, because the simple, innocent, loose hold of their hands was doing insane things to his insides and he was hard as steel. He was starting to think he should go home, stop this now before if it went too far and changed things irrevocably between them. Maybe it already had.

Jimmy put the lid on the fire pit, effectively killing the flames, and locked the back door once they were inside. Duncan switched off the lights in the kitchen and the living room, and they climbed the stairs in the relative dark. The light of the summer night was streaming in through the skylights, bright enough to see by when Jimmy closed the room door and stepped immediately into Duncan’s space, hands moving to his fly, head lowered, watching himself expose Duncan’s erection, palming it, caressing him.

‘You’re the only man I’ve ever fooled around with,’ Jimmy murmured without making eye contact, and Duncan took in the words with no small amount of shock and a tiny speck of hurt. He knew this was far beyond fooling around for him, but he’d always thought Jimmy had done this with others the way he’d done. He’d never imagined he was the only one. That meant something. But ‘fooling around’….

‘I mean, I know that this weekend’s been more than just fooling. I know it means more than the other times. More, and maybe something different.’

Duncan released the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. 

‘I am so relieved to hear you say that.’

Jimmy’s hand stilled on him, and that wasn’t something he’d meant to happen. 

‘Don’t think I’m not feeling what you’re feeling. I just don’t know how complicated we should make things.’

Duncan unfastened Jimmy’s belt, the buttons of his fly, and pushed his boxers down over his hips, digging his hands into the loose elastic of the waistband to take a tight hold of his thick cock, balls already tight. He decided there were better things to do than talk about this and dropped to his knees, taking Jimmy’s jeans and underwear with him, opening his mouth and letting the head of his erection settle on his bottom lip. He heard Jimmy say,

‘You don’t have to do this.’ 

But he wanted to, and not just because Jimmy had done it for him first. He shifted forward, stroking his hands over Jimmy’s thighs, sliding his lips along the length of his cock until he couldn’t go any further. He didn’t want to admit he’d done it before, didn’t want to admit he’d done a lot of things before although he suspected Jimmy wouldn’t care, he didn’t want to find out. 

He swirled his tongue around the cock head, sucked in his cheeks, pulled back and slid forward again, closing his eyes and feeling Jimmy’s fingers, oh-so gentle in his hair. He wondered if his beard made it different than Jimmy’s mouth had been on him. He moved his hands around to spread his hands on Jimmy’s ass, dipping his index finger into the very top of his crack but not going any further. He licked and sucked, felt Jimmy’s whole body tense up, heard the sounds he was making, felt his fingers tighten but before he could protest, Jimmy was squeaking, trying to pull away, coming in Duncan’s mouth. 

He heard the apology, breathless and with so much feeling, and for a second he couldn’t reply. He was swallowing, licking Jimmy clean. Then he sat back on his heels and caught Jimmy’s waving hands in his own.

‘Stop! It’s okay.’

‘I tried….’

‘I know. It’s okay. I wanted to.’ He got off his knees, pushing himself off the floor, accepting a hand up.

‘What’s it like?’

‘Sweet. Although I think it depends on what you’ve been eating and drinking.’

Jimmy wrapped a hand around the side of Duncan’s throat, stroking his half-erect cock with the backs of his fingers. It wasn’t long before Duncan was back to full strength, so to speak.

‘Lie down.’

Not to be outdone, Jimmy swallowed this time, lying between Duncan’s legs. He was such a fast leaner. The second one was so much better than the first, and the first one had been mind blowing. When Jimmy looked up from between his thighs, licking his lips and with a smug expression that made Duncan want to laugh again out of sheer happiness, he actually thought he might be a bit in love with the man. And there wasn’t anything more dangerous or destructive than that.

 

He lay awake in the glow of the Shetland summer night, listening to Jimmy snoring softly beside him. He’d gone out like a light the moment his head had hit the pillow.

He wondered what Fran would make of this. Likely she’d be happy for them, on some level. She would never have wanted Jimmy to spend the rest of his life alone, mourning her. Then again, she probably wouldn’t have wanted him to spend much of it with him either. He couldn’t imagine what Cassie would think, what she’d say. Wasn’t it cool these days to have two dads? What did he know? He was further removed from teenage life than Jimmy and he doubted he knew either. Not that this was going anywhere like that, not that this was anything more serious than two lonely men sharing an otherwise lonely weekend. 

Eventually he must have fallen asleep, because he was woken by a distant but insistent ringing. Jimmy’s phone, apparently, because he was already climbing out of bed and heading for the door, stark naked. The light beyond the skylights was day, not night. And he raised his head to look at the clock on Jimmy’s bedside table. It was 8:27. He hadn’t just slept, he’d slept well. 

He couldn’t hear Jimmy’s side of the call, but when he came back up he looked sorry, disappointed. Not Cassie then.

‘I have to go in. There was an attack on a woman outside the Mirage in Lerwick in the early hours. She’s in hospital.’ He came over to sit on the bottom of the bed, not looking like he was in a hurry to leave. ‘I’m really sorry.’

‘Why?’ Duncan smiled. ‘It’s fine. We’re lucky we haven’t been rudely interrupted before now.’

‘You don’t have to go.’

‘But I will anyway.’

‘I need a shower. Want to join me?’

 

Duncan tried not to think of it as one last one for the road. Jimmy’s soapy hands felt wonderful on him, brought him off again even though he wasn’t sure he had it in him. He didn’t think Jimmy was going to manage another one until he rolled his balls gently in the palm of his hand and he came, one of those orgasms that looked as if it sparked across every nerve, leaving him leaning on Duncan just to stay standing. Showering was never to be the same again. 

They dressed, Duncan in the same clothes he’d been wearing on Friday evening when they’d taken Cassie to the airport together, Jimmy in a cream coloured jumper knitted in a cricket style but with devastatingly softer wool. At the front door, Jimmy hesitated, turned to say something, and Duncan took the opportunity to slide his arms around him and pull him in for a hug. He thought maybe he’d be met with a protest, but Jimmy’s arms went around his neck and he turned his face into the base of his throat, hot breath against Duncan’s skin.

When Jimmy started to pull back, Duncan loosened his arms, but he didn’t pull back too far. Just far enough to slide his mouth over Duncan’s. His breath caught in his throat, heart starting to hammer at his ribcage like it wanted out. He parted his lips in hopeful invitation, and Jimmy’s tongue slipped between them, mouth firm on Duncan’s, hands spreading on his back.

He moaned into it, couldn’t keep the sound inside him, put one hand around the back of Jimmy’s neck and returned the kiss, eyes closing, tongue sliding across the roof of his mouth. Christ, why hadn’t they tried this earlier? Why was he finding out now, only now, at the end of their weekend, that Jimmy’s tongue in his mouth was as much of a turn on as it was on his cock?

Jimmy pulled away and for a moment he didn’t want to let him. Then he loosened his arms as his bottom lip was playfully nipped at and when he opened his eyes he could see the bright happiness shining in those blue eyes.

‘Should have done that on Friday,’ he murmured, and Duncan agreed with him so strongly he wasn’t sure he couldn’t voice anything but the crushing disappointment that they hadn’t.

‘Yeah,’ he said, and thought he’d managed to make his feelings clear in that one word.

Jimmy nodded, shrugged, and turned again to open the front door. They stepped out into the world again, back into their real lives, and Duncan could only hope Cassie had made friends in Edinburgh that she wanted to visit with sometime. Soon. It couldn’t be soon enough.

 

~

 

Duncan: _Did you make it across okay?_

Jimmy: **Made it across fine. Quit worrying. She’s fine**

Duncan: _Wasn’t just asking about Cassie_

 

_When are you coming home?_

**Cassie’s here for a fortnight, staying with my folks. She told you**

_I wasn’t asking about Cassie_

**Oh. Friday**

_Miss you_

**Really?**

 

_So Cassie won’t be home until a week Saturday?_

**No. Why?**

_And you’ll be home by the weekend?_

**That’s the plan. Weather allowing**

_Want company? If you’re done working_

 

_You didn’t answer my question_

**I was thinking how much trouble we’d be making for ourselves**

_Live a little_

**Find someone else to keep company**

_Don’t want someone else. I want you_

_I want to keep you company_

**Which is it?**

_I want you_

**Why?**

_Because I think I might be a bit in love with you. Because I want to kiss you again. Why did we do that only at the end of the weekend?_

 

_You okay?_

 

_Are you ignoring my texts?!_

 

_Jimmy, come on!_

 

**In love?**

_Yes. A bit. Don’t freak out_

**Freak out? How old are you?**

_Don’t you love me? Not even a little bit? :-(_

**Can this wait until the weekend?**

_I’ll be round Saturday afternoon. If you’re not in, I’ll masturbate on your sofa and think of you while I do it_

**Pervert**

_Tease_

**Stalker. Cassie’s just asked me who I’ve been texting ‘like a fourteen year old girl’. Go away**

 

_I miss you_

**Fuck off**

_:-) I’ll see you Saturday_

 

~

 

Jimmy opened the door to let him in, and it was his back hitting the heavy wood that closed it behind him, Jimmy’s hand on his chest and his neck, Jimmy’s mouth over his. He responded in kind, sucking on the tongue that pushed into his mouth, wrapping his arms possessively tight around the other man’s waist. They stood there for an age, necking like horny teenagers.

When they eventually separated, Jimmy said, 

‘For the record, this is such a bad idea.’

‘Noted.’

Up the stairs, in the bedroom, they tore at one another’s clothes, mouths on bare skin, tasting, like kissing had finally freed them to actually make love to one each other. They tumbled naked onto the bed, touching everywhere, exploring, finally able to enjoy the frenzy of a first time.

Jimmy nipped at his nipples with his teeth, learning quickly that Duncan loved that and taking unrepentant advantage of it. His quick bites grew bolder, sharper, licking and suckling at him to ease the brief flashes of pain.

Duncan eventually had to get on top and pin his wrists to the mattress just to take a breath and even then the pure joy on Jimmy’s face made it difficult to breathe. He eased Jimmy’s legs apart with one foot and reached between them, around his straining erection to play with his balls, rolling them in his palm, separating them with careful fingers, watching with amazement the play of ecstasy on his friend’s face. When he went down on him, relaxing his throat muscles and swallowing him to the base, nose pressed into the smooth skin of his testicles, he pushed his fingers further back, exploring what worked for Jimmy and what didn’t, gauging his reactions as he rubbed his thumb over his hole.

Jimmy was too far gone, he reckoned, to really notice where the individual sensations were coming from. When he came, he actually screamed, one hand clawed in the sheet, the other gripping Duncan’s shoulder like a drowning man clinging to a lifeline.

Duncan was so close to climax himself, he couldn’t wait for Jimmy. He made a fist around his cock, pumped himself twice and made a mess over Jimmy’s left hip, going with it when Jimmy grabbed his face and pulled him down for a kiss that was so filthy his sated cock actually twitched. He rolled onto the mattress onto his back, stroking the top of Jimmy’s foot with his toes, his hips his fingers.

‘Jesus.’ Duncan chuckled at the breathlessness of Jimmy's voice. ‘I would have….’

‘I know. I was impatient. Next time.’

‘About that -‘

‘Don’t say there won’t be a next time.’

Jimmy rolled his head on the pillow and frowned at him.

‘What gives you the idea that I would say something like that?’ Duncan shrugged because he didn’t have a reply. ‘I was going to ask about the text.’

‘Right. In my defence, I had been drinking.’

‘You sent it at four in the afternoon.’

‘I had a pub lunch.’

‘You were at The Lounge.’

‘Don’t say it with such disdain. It’s a licensed pub in the middle of town.’

‘You’re avoiding the point. The text? I can fetch my phone, I saved them all-‘

Duncan rolled onto his side. pushed himself up on his elbow and rested his head in his hand.

‘Who did Cassie think was texting you?’

‘The pope. You said you thought you were, and I quote, ‘a bit in love’. With me.’

Duncan sighed with a smile.

‘I thought men didn’t talk about this stuff.’

‘No, you text about it instead. Have two failed marriages taught you nothing about communication?’

‘Aye, they taught me to keep my mouth shut.’

‘Then it’s lucky we’re not married, isn’t it? Did you mean what you said?’

The smile slipped from his face. He hesitated. 

‘I meant it.’

Jimmy took a deep breath. His expression wasn’t one Duncan liked. 

‘I don’t know what to do with that. I know you too well.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘You’re a flirt! That Friday night started with me flirting with you just to see if you’d flirt back.’

‘That might have been how it started but you can’t tell me that’s how it ended.’

‘No.’ He at least sounded serious. ‘No, it’s not.’ Without warning, Jimmy shuffled off the bed. ‘I need a drink. And I need not to have this conversation with you while we’re both naked in my bed.’

He pulled on his jeans and a shirt, leaving both open, waiting for Duncan presumably to shift his ass too.

‘I’m not leaving until I’ve had my say.’

‘I’m not asking you to leave. I don’t want you to leave. I just think we should talk like adults, for Cassie’s sake.’

Duncan rolled off the bed, taking his jeans and shirt from Jimmy’s hands. 

Down in the kitchen, Jimmy ground some coffee and poured a couple of glasses of whisky. Duncan pulled a stool up to the island worktop and Jimmy leaned on it across from him, waiting for the kettle to boil.

‘I don’t know if I can do this. It’s one thing spending the weekend, it’s another getting… involved. You’re not exactly the most trustworthy of people when it comes to relationships.’

That was fair. But he hated the idea of leaving and not coming back.

‘I meant what I texted. All of it. I was worried about you, it can be a bumpy flight to Fair Isle. I did miss you, and Cassie. And when we were together that weekend I thought that I might….’ He shook his head. ‘I’m really glad you came back.’

‘You’ve said that before. A lot, actually, now that I think about it. I’m not just risking myself or I wouldn’t be wasting time talking, I’d be up in the bedroom fucking your brains out.’

Duncan thought his eyebrows couldn’t get any higher without leaving his forehead. 

‘Really?’

Jimmy looked at him with amusement in his eyes. 

‘No. It’s just an expression.’

‘Right.’

‘I said before, don’t even think about it.’

‘I sort of have been.’

‘Don’t. And can we get back to the point? I’m risking Cassie too.’ The kettle reached its boil and switched off, but Jimmy ignored it, taking a mouthful of whisky instead. ‘I loved Fran so much, you know I did. I never thought there would be anyone else, and not for a single second did I think there would be you. So I honestly don’t know how I feel about… this. But I don’t want to stop.’ He looked up from the glass, catching Duncan’s gaze and holding it. ‘I don’t want to give you up.’

Duncan heard his words, processed them then smiled, relieved. 

‘Good.’

‘You have to promise me something.’

‘Anything.’

Jimmy shook his head. 

‘See? I’m not asking for that. I just need you to promise that when this ends for you, you’ll tell me, face to face, before you jump into bed with the next person. I don’t want to find out by walking in on you, or by Cassie saying something. I won’t make it into a big deal, I won’t make trouble between you and Cassie because she loves you and she needs you, but you have to promise me. You tell me. The moment it gets old, the moment it feels stale.’

Although he knew where Jimmy was coming from, it still hurt that this was what he thought of him. All he could do was give his word and prove he could be someone Jimmy was able to rely on.

‘I promise.’

Jimmy nodded like that was the decision made and the issue closed. He rubbed his chin.

‘I’m going to get beard burn if we keep this up.’

‘Want me to shave it off?’

He straightened, regarding Duncan as if he was seriously considering the offer.

‘No, you’re all right. I kinda like it. And it’s really nice when you… you know.’ He absently pointed downwards in a way that made Duncan laugh.

‘I wondered.’

Jimmy nodded.

‘It’s different in a good way.’ He seemed to notice for the first time that the kettle had boiled. ‘Did you want coffee?'

'Not if you're not throwing me out.'

'I was never going to throw you out. I just needed to know what we're doing, needed to make sure we agreed on what that is. Your text really threw me.'

'Sorry. It's always easier to put that stuff in writing instead of actually saying it. I guess that’s always been my problem.’ Jimmy's expression wasn't an easy one to interpret and in the end he stopped trying. 'Did Cassie really ask who you were texting?'

'Aye. She said I was worse than her, which wasn't true.’

‘What did you tell her?'

'I said it was Sandy texting me results from his enquires on the main island.'

'She's going to figure it out eventually.'

'Aye, well, let's hope that by the time she does, we've figured it out first.'

 

Later, lying in bed together in the small hours, Duncan asked, 

'You didn't say if the feeling was mutual or not?'

Next to him, one ankle hooked over his, the back of his hand against his side, Jimmy turned his head to face his profile and said,

'Which feeling?'

'Do you love me?' He said it in such a way that it sounded like the demand of a petulant child rather than the insecurities of a grown man. But Jimmy had always been able to see straight through him.

'Maybe,' he replied, grudgingly, teasing. 'Just a wee bit.'

Odd how just that could light him up inside, how the joy of it could keep him awake for hours, just listening to the silence of the island and gentle snoring in his ear. Odd how, after all the women he'd thought he loved, it might be his old friend Jimmy who finally showed him what real happiness was.

 

~

 

Luckily they were on either side of the living room when Cassie got back from school, because they hadn't been thirty seconds earlier. 

'You're both here. Good.'

Duncan thought that this was it, the Spanish Inquisition to find out what had been going on between them for the last eight weeks. She dropped her bag onto the sofa and took up her best fighting stance; arms folded, feet planted in the carpet. She'd learned that from her Dad and it always heralded a difficult conversation. 

'Jemma's sister lives in Mossbank and her father’s driving her over there for the weekend. She asked me if I wanted to go and I said yes.'

It was an effort not to leap up and punch the air. He and Jimmy hadn't managed any real time alone together since Cassie came back from her stay with Jimmy’s parents on Fair Isle, and rather than feeling like a distant thing he'd had once that had been really good, it felt like an incredible thing he could still have if only he could get a hold of it. He risked a glance at Jimmy who risked a glance at him at the same time. He hoped his relief, his excitement wasn’t as plain on his face as he thought it probably was.

'Of course you can go,' Jimmy managed, and managed to make it sound like they were allowing it, rather than demanding it. 'But the same rules apply that we set for Edinburgh. No boys, no booze.'

'Thank you!' She was over with her arms around Jimmy's neck in a heartbeat, kissing his cheek. Then it was Duncan's turn, even though he hadn't said anything. Because the last time, her Dad had been the hurdle. She seemed to be assuming this time that if he agreed, Duncan would too. He didn't feel the need for even a token protest.

'When do you go?' Jimmy asked. 

'Friday, after school.'

It was Wednesday. The next forty eight hours were going to feel like a lifetime and God help him if anything came up that needed Jimmy's attention this weekend, other than him. 

Cassie grabbed up her school bag and bounced out to her room. They waited until a happy beat of music filtered down to them before closing in on one another again.

'See you Friday evening?' Duncan murmured, reaching for Jimmy's hand because he had to touch. Warm fingers curled around his.

'I could come to your place when I finish work.'

'You always complain about the signal at my place. Besides, I don't like that house very much.' Jimmy nodded. He knew that. Even before this thing had really happened between them Duncan had been talking about moving, not from the island, just to a different place on it. He was just waiting for something to come up for sale. Either that, or for someone to sell some land he could build a place on. He had a couple of ideas, but nothing concrete.

‘I'll call when I'm leaving the station then.'

‘I'll bring dinner.'

'Bring breakfast too.'

They were standing so close, it would have been so easy to kiss him, just a touch of lips to lips, maybe a quick taste to remind himself what he'd been mostly missing for weeks now. No one else interested him anymore. He'd had a couple of approaches at the club house, more in The Lounge and other places in town, but he'd turned them all down, even the guaranteed one night stands. Available people were a rare commodity on the island, soon enough it was going to get around that he was no longer on the market and the offers would stop coming. But he'd made Jimmy a promise and he wasn't about to renege on that. He didn't want to. Before, with Fran, with Mary - especially with Mary - he'd felt trapped, needing to break free almost from the start. But with Jimmy he felt like he was trying desperately to become trapped, to get caught.

Jimmy was the one to step back. Not with Cassie in the house, they’d agreed. If she was going to find out it wasn't going to be like that. They would sit her down and tell her. 

‘I'll see you Friday.'

'Yeah.' For a second he couldn't move, couldn't take his eyes from Jimmy's face,

'What?'

I love you. The words stuck in his throat; the sudden, overwhelming feeling so powerful it stole his breath. But a playful text a couple of weeks ago had freaked Jimmy out, so he could guess what would happen if he said something like that in the tone he knew he'd say it in. He didn't want to risk this, not for anything as selfish as wanting to hear Jimmy say it too, which he wouldn't, because he didn't feel the same. Duncan knew that with utter conviction, the same way he knew he was completely screwed. 

'Duncan...' Jimmy kept his voice to a whisper. 'Don't think this - you and I - doesn't mean something to me. Don't think I don't realise that this is something special.'

He felt like he'd been caught doing something he absolutely shouldn't have been doing. 

'I didn’t say....' 

Jimmy smiled. 

'You're as transparent as water. I know how you feel about me right now. And okay, the feeling may be growing more mutual every day. I'm just not as comfortable with myself as you are.'

It was more of a declaration of love than Duncan had ever imagined he would get. It was more than enough, and he had to take a step back because he wanted that kiss more than he wanted anything right at that moment. Jimmy let go of his hand and gave his crotch a quick pat before putting some real distance between them. Duncan pointed at the door, determined. 

'I'm gonna go.'

Jimmy laughed softly. 

'That's probably a good idea.'

‘I’ll see you Friday.’

 

~

 

By noon on Friday he had all the ingredients for what, in hindsight, was possibly one of the most sickly romantic meals he’d ever cooked for anyone, and he was having second thoughts, ploughing back through the recipes books Mary had left behind to try to find something else he could do with what he’d bought. In the end he stopped himself, deciding Jimmy probably wouldn’t see the inference in the food, wouldn’t connect the dishes with the same things Duncan did, telling himself to stop worrying about the meal so that he could start worrying about the package that had arrived the previous morning.

Given the hours Jimmy worked, and the fact that when Cassie went out at nights she had a midnight curfew and more often than not got home before it, they hadn’t managed to spend any quality time together in almost a month. And by quality, he meant naked. He called round every couple of nights, late enough that he had a good chance of Jimmy being in and Cassie being out for at least an hour. They didn’t risk much; a snog here, a speedy hand job there. One usually led to the other. It was torture to see Jimmy and not do more, so on most occasions he ended up back home, jerking off to jumbled home movies of them playing in his head.

One night, he’d gone looking for porn on the internet and had come across a site called BoyToys.com. It was a mail order place, not just selling DVDs but accessories too. Amazing what seemed like a good idea at one in the morning with a hard-on, a glass of single malt and a credit card. When the package had arrived yesterday and he’d opened it on the bright summer morning that it had been, he’d regretted it instantly, wondering what the hell he’d been thinking and putting the whole sorry lot in a high shelf in the wardrobe where he planned to forget about it.

But the previous night Jimmy had texted him around nine with just the words, 

**Thinking about you. Hard as nails. Not helpful at work! ******

He’d gone straight to the wardrobe and taken the package down, opened it again on the bed and stared at the small collection of items that had cost him over a hundred quid. They were things definitely squarely at the vanilla end of the astounding array of toys and clothing the site offered. Mary had owned much more kinky stuff. But in the context of he and Jimmy, it was suggestive of a step his friend had already made very clear he wasn’t even willing to consider. That hadn’t stopped him from thinking about it, and if nothing else, the DVD might be interesting. Decision made, he repacked the package and put it in the bottom of his overnight bag. 

Luckily for him, a conference call with a property development company in Glasgow took up the majority of his afternoon. A text arrived at five from Cassie saying she would see him on Monday and thanking him again for letting her go. So at least her plans hadn’t been cancelled due to something unforeseen. His only hurdle now was Jimmy, and something coming up that meant he couldn’t leave work. At six, that text came in.

**Been called to a break in out in Gremista. Go over to the house, make yourself at home. Should be home by eight. Sorry**

At least it wasn’t a cancellation. Grabbing the keys to his Land Rover, he loaded the various bags and boxes from the kitchen, and his overnight bag, and locked up the house.

There was an old guy - Bernard - he knew lived out on the road on the other side of Gremista. He’d been talking about selling his property and moving back to the mainland to be closer to his kids, now that his wife had passed away. It was a lonely place, he often said, without her. Duncan understood that. He just couldn’t imagine living anywhere else, especially now. But Bernard had promised to give Duncan first refusal on the house. Or more, the land the house was standing on, because it was more like a cabin than a house, and it was barely standing. The only option really would be to knock it down and start again, which was exactly what Duncan had in mind. The land was worth a fortune and he’d made a generous offer over a year ago that he regularly reassured Bernard was still on the table. The house was set back and up from the road, at the top of a steep driveway which then levelled out for an acre or two. The views over out over the sea were vast and uninterrupted. A shack standing in the centre of a couple of acres of land. Torn down and replaced by a modern build would make it something special, something worth double the cost of developing it.

It wouldn’t make him a millionaire but it would make him a little bit richer than he already was. Then again, there was the other idea, the one that kept sneaking into his head late at night when he was alone, when the house and the island had fallen silent. If he couldn’t get Jimmy to go for what he’d bought on the internet, he had little hope of ever getting him to go for what was starting to keep him from sleeping. Sometimes, he wanted to move too fast for a place where life moved at a snail’s pace. Sometimes, he had to stop and let everything and everyone else catch up.

 

He’d had a key to Jimmy’s place since they’d moved in, just in case he ever needed to be there for Cassie, although he didn’t use it if anyone was home and he rarely went over there if no one was in. Why would he? He felt a little like an intruder, unpacking the stuff from the Land Rover into Jimmy’s kitchen, dumping his overnight bag upstairs before setting to work preparing dinner. By the time Jimmy got home at half eight, he was one glass in to a bottle of red he’d taken from Jimmy’s collection - making a mental note to stock it up next time he was ordering for himself - and the aromas of cooking meat, and fruit slowly roasting in rum, had filled the house.

Jimmy stepped into the kitchen and breathed it in. 

‘I take it back. I do love you.’

Duncan laughed to cover the sharp sting in his chest at hearing him say it, even if was only in jest. He walked over to where he was standing, leaned in and kissed him, half-meaning it to be a quick one, just to tide them over. But somewhere in the back of his mind he’d known that wouldn’t suffice, not after so long, which was why he’d planned dinner for ten. Jimmy didn’t ask, just took his hand and led him upstairs to the bedroom.

 

They sat down to eat at ten-fifteen, at the dining table, across from one another with Jimmy’s bare foot in Duncan’s lap. Cassie had texted to say they’d arrived in Mossbank safely, and that Jemma’s sister was cooking them a curry, so they could both stop worrying about her.

‘Do you think maybe we’re having a joint midlife crisis?’ Jimmy asked as he stabbed his last asparagus spear and slipped the head of it between his lips in a way Duncan honestly didn’t think he realised looked as obscene as it did.

‘No. I think Mary was my midlife crisis.’

‘So what does that make me?’

‘The person I want to spend the rest of my life with.’ Sometimes honesty pounced on him when he was least expecting it. Predictably, Jimmy dropped his fork and glared at him. But now wasn’t the time to back down, even from something he hadn’t meant to say. ‘I know you don’t trust me and I understand why. I know Fran was the love of your life and nothing will ever change that. I wouldn’t dream of trying. I wouldn’t presume to be anything close to what she was to you.’ He wrapped his hands around Jimmy’s foot to encourage him to stay put and not to make a swift exit from the conversation. ’But I do love you, and not just because the sex is phenomenal. I miss you. I think about you. A lot. And not just in bed, or in the shower.’ That at least got a smile. ‘I know things wouldn’t be easy, I’ve told you that enough times, and this isn’t somewhere that secrets can be kept forever. It would probably be career limiting for you, achingly embarrassing for our daughter and hysterically funny to most of the people who know us. It’s a terrible idea and there’s probably nothing about it that you can see to make it worth the trouble. I wasn’t even going to say anything. I don’t know why I did.’

‘Finished?’

Duncan nodded. 

‘I think so.’

‘Thank God for that.’ Jimmy reached for the wine bottle and refilled both their glasses. ‘You’re right. It’s a terrible idea. Although I think being linked with you would be more career limiting than my being in a relationship with just another man.’

‘Hey!’

‘Be quiet! Did I interrupt you when you were spouting a load of bullshit?’

‘It wasn’t…!’

‘I said, be quiet! Listen to me, for once. You and I are the worst idea you’ve ever had. This is fine, more than fine, in fact. But think about it, think about how things were with Mary and imagine that being me! Imagine I’m the person who’s always there when you get home.’

‘You’d never be there when I got home! You’re hardly ever home! You work twelve hour days and that’s when you’re not away on some even remoter island than the one we’re on now!’

‘See! We’re haven’t been in one another’s company for more than a couple of hours and we’re arguing!’ 

But it wasn’t an argument, not in the way Duncan knew them. When Jimmy got angry, really angry, he exploded, let off steam quickly then calmed the fuck down so fast that the person in the firing line barely had the chance to utter an apology before Jimmy was apologising himself. This wasn’t that, this wasn’t Jimmy being angry. 

‘I don’t want to give you any more reason than you already have to dislike me. I don’t want to be your spouse, Duncan! I want to be the one night stand, the affair, the illicit date, the dirty weekend away. I don’t want to argue about bills and holidays, to gossip about whatever our friends are up to. I don’t want to be the one waiting up asking you where the hell you’ve been all night. I want to be the one you’ve been sneaking around with.’ Duncan bit his lip but he was going to laugh, he knew it, at any second it was going to burst out of him. And Jimmy apparently could see it. ‘What?’

‘Your concept of two people sharing their lives is so outdated.’

‘And commitment does not suit you. I don’t want to be the third person to show you that.’

‘Where is it that you think I go when I stay out all night?’

‘The Lounge, back to some poor woman’s house, or some poor guy’s, to take advantage.’

He decided not to be hurt. In a way, he deserved that. For a while at least, it had been true. But it wasn’t true now.

‘In the last two months, the only place I’ve stayed out all night at is here. I’ve been to The Lounge, to the club, to poker games and parties, but I haven’t been with another man or woman since the weekend Cassie went to Edinburgh, I swear. I don’t want anyone else. I want you. And I will wait as long as it takes until I’ve proven that to you.’

‘But what about after? When you have me and the chase is over?’

‘Just because I’ve been married twice doesn’t mean I’m a serial bastard.’

‘What about that time I walked in on your other midlife crisis?’

‘I told you. That’s behind me. Been there, done that. I’m older and definitely wiser, believe it or not.’ He shook his head. ‘It doesn’t matter what you believe, because I am going to prove it to you even if it takes the rest of my life.’

Jimmy looked at his glass. Then he laughed and the tension broke. Duncan laughed too, until there were tears rolling down his cheeks.

‘How many bottles did you drink before I got home?’

‘One glass. I swear. You just make me feel like this.’

‘Can we stop talking and go back to bed?’

Duncan shook his head. 

‘No.’ He held up one hand to stop the forthcoming protest. ‘Not until after dessert.’

 

If he’d thought Jimmy would start to pull away from him after their over-dinner conversation, he was wrong. They went for a walk after they’d cleared up and stacked the dishwasher. They’d both eaten too much and neither of them felt tired. Jimmy walked with his hands in his pockets, occasionally bumping deliberately into Duncan, nudging his shoulder, tapping his elbow. It was comfortable, intimate. Duncan loved the little touches as much as loved the sex and he thought that maybe Jimmy did too, not that he’d ever admit it.

Finally, away from any prying eyes, hidden in the light dark and the empty expanse of this place, Duncan put his arm around Jimmy’s waist and Jimmy put his hand on Duncan’s back and they walked together like that for a while. 

‘Everything you said at dinner, which was amazing by the way - thank you. Can we… can we talk about it again in a six months?’

‘Aye. And six more after that if you want. I’m not going anywhere.’ It stunned him to realise how true that was, how calm and at peace it made him feel. Like the warmth between them where their bodies aligned. 

‘I just need time, Duncan. This isn’t something I ever expected and as much as we want to joke about it, I can’t actually think of any other same sex couples on the island.’

‘Robert and Mike in Scalloway. Pauline Allen and Rosie Blair on Bressay.’

‘I always thought Pauline and Rosie were just friends.’

‘Shows what little you know.’

‘Aye, it does. I’ve always thought you were a bit of a dick.’

‘I am a bit of a dick.’

He loved that his words made Jimmy curl his hand around his side and hug him in close.

‘Let’s go back.’

‘Okay.’ 

Then he remembered what was in his overnight bag, and wasn’t sure he had the nerve or the strength to have that conversation too. The package could wait until tomorrow. Maybe someone would be helpful and get themselves killed in the time between then and now.

 

When they eventually got into bed, it was different, slower, changed by the intimacy of the night maybe. Every time they were together they shared more of themselves, Duncan could feel himself falling deeper, and he was sure Jimmy was falling too.

When they eventually went to sleep, it was with Jimmy on his front, Duncan lying half over his back, head on Jimmy’s shoulder, Jimmy snoring in his ear.

 

~

 

No one had the decency to get themselves murdered on the Saturday. 

Cassie texted from Mossbank to ask why neither of her Dads had been answering their phones the night before but when Jimmy texted back to ask what she’d called for she just said she’d been calling to say goodnight. Which wasn’t like her at all. Jimmy called the number she’d left for Jemma’s sister and spoke to her for a minute, handed the phone to Duncan and he spoke to her too. Apart from asking what trouble they were getting themselves in together, to which Duncan lied and said they were thinking of taking the boat out, she sounded fine, like she was having a good time.

After a lazy breakfast under low cloud out in the yard - bacon and eggs between thick white bread, and strong, freshly ground coffee - they walked around to the docks where the Francesca was moored and had a couple of pints at the Fisherman’s Catch, a terrible tourist trap on the waterfront, with fake lobster traps and fishing nets hanging from the ceiling, wooden tables on the pavement outside and the smell of fish permeating the whole place. But they did a good battered haddock, which they got to takeout, and walked back in the sun eating fish and chips. Neither of them mentioned their conversation the previous night, but they didn’t pretend it hadn’t happened.

‘I’m flying to Glasgow on Tuesday,’ Duncan told him. 

‘Business meeting?’

‘Aye. And to see Mary, or rather to see Bethany.’ 

Jimmy didn’t seem remotely bothered by the information.

‘Given them my love?’

‘Course.’

‘You don’t think… you and Mary?’

Or maybe he was. 

’No. I don’t think. We gave it a good shot but we should never have had a baby. She’s not a natural mother and let’s face it, I’m a terrible father. I walked out on one child, I didn’t have the right to have another.’

‘That’s bollocks. Cassie loves you. And you were a lot younger when you were with Fran.’

‘I still made the same mistake the second time around. I’m not going to make it a third.’

‘I think you’re safe there.’ 

He glanced at Jimmy, surprised, and laughed. 

‘I’m back on Thursday.’

‘I promise not to text you every hour like you did when I was away.’

‘I wouldn’t mind.’

‘Mary might.’

‘I don’t care.’

Jimmy finished his food and screwed up the newspaper in his hands. 

‘We’re not kids, Duncan. Even if we’re screwing like a pair of horny teenagers.’

‘Speak for yourself. I’m not sure I’ve ever grown up.’

He knocked Duncan’s arm playfully with his elbow and laughed. 

‘See, I would agree with you there.’

Duncan grinned at him.

‘Like you did.’

‘I’m a policeman. I have responsibilities.’

In the past he’d have meant it as a jibe, but there was no malice in his tone, just warm affection that Duncan couldn’t imagine getting tired of hearing.

‘I’ve got a present for you in my bag. Well, for us.’ Whatever made him blurt that out, he immediately wished he hadn’t. 

‘Oh, aye. Dare I ask?’

Duncan hesitated and shook his head. 

‘No.’

‘Oh, now I definitely want to ask.’

‘You really don’t, forget I mentioned it.’

‘I can’t forget it now, can I? What have you bought?’

‘I’m definitely not telling you. I’ll show you. When we’re both a lot less sober than we are now.’

‘I am so worried. Please don’t tell me you found a shop….’

‘On the island? Are you kidding? Internet order.’

‘You don’t know every person who works at the sorting office?’

‘Plain packaging guaranteed.’

Jimmy shook his head and slapped his palm against his face.

‘Oh, good God.’

‘If it helps, I did regret it the next day. But it had already shipped by the time my internet connection came back.’

They were both laughing by then.

‘What are doing for dinner?’ Duncan asked, and Jimmy stopped in his tracks. 

‘Ah, bollocks.’

 

They stopped for another pint after they’d bought the food, then walked back again to Jimmy’s house. It wasn’t far, but by the time they arrived they felt they deserved the wine that Jimmy opened while Duncan started dinner.

‘I’m sorry.’

Which amused Duncan. 

’For forgetting to buy food.’

Duncan shrugged. 

’It’s good for us. Bought me some time.’

‘Oh aye! Our present. Are you going to show me what you bought on the dark side of the internet?’

‘I’d hardly call BoyToys.com the dark side.’

‘Call what?!’ Jimmy doubled over with more laughter. ‘Jesus, Duncan!’

‘I’ll show you after dinner.’

‘I am so scared.’

‘It’s definitely been built up more than I ever meant it to be.’

‘Whose fault is that?’

 

They ate in the living room, sitting on the sofa in front of another one of Cassie’s DVDs. Amazon did a fair trade in Shetland. This one was weird; an assassin, a dwarf and a priest in Belgium. They might have missed some of the finer points of the plot, about an hour’s worth of finer points in total, which meant that when the credits rolled at the end, neither of them had the faintest clue about what had gone on. 

They’d got most of the way through a bottle of red though, so Duncan finally climbed the stairs and fetched the package from his bag. He brought it down and handed it to Jimmy, refilling their glasses from the remainder of the bottle before sitting again, closer than before.

Jimmy held the base of the parcel and opened the top, peering inside before sticking his hand in and lifting out two of the three objects: the dvd which was titled, Anal Obsession, and the tube of lubricant Duncan had decided was an absolutely necessity to go with the twelve inch long, six inch round, realistically moulded dildo.

‘I read about a case once where a woman beat her husband to death with one of these things,’ he mused when he lifted that out too. ‘I’m thinking she might have been on to something.’

‘Jimmy….’

He held up the fake cock.

‘If you think, for one minute, I’m letting you stick this inside me, you’d better have another thought coming hot on its heels.’

Duncan shook his head. 

‘It’s bigger than it looked in the picture.’

‘It’s fucking huge! What’s the DVD for? Pointers?’

He couldn’t bring himself to say yes, what with the already murderous look in Jimmy’s eyes.

‘I suspect if you want to get this inside you’re going to need a lot more lubricant.’

Duncan chuckled and took the dildo from Jimmy’s hands and wondered again what he’d been thinking when he’d ordered it. He didn’t want to go near this man with the giant fake thing.

‘Seriously, Duncan, I don’t if I can do… that.’

‘So we don’t do it. It’s no big deal.’ Jimmy fell quiet, drinking his wine, not sulking but definitely lost in thought. Duncan gave him a few minutes then nudged his knee with his leg. ‘What?’

‘It’s the thing they say, isn’t it? Being inside someone, it’s the closest two people can get.’

Duncan shook his head, then leaned sideways to rest his head on Jimmy’s shoulder. 

‘I’ve never felt closer to anyone than I do to you, now.’

‘Bullshit.’ But he felt Jimmy’s chin rub his head, a kiss in his thinning hair, and closed his eyes. 

‘I shouldn’t have-‘

‘Will you shut up? I don’t want there to be things we can’t do, that we’re too… old or too fucking straight to do. I just need to go slow… maybe see if I can get a finger up there or something.’

Duncan sat up, the tension gone, dissipated the way it tended to between them, even at the worst of times. Jimmy leaned forward and reached for the dildo again, picking it up off the table.

‘What were you thinking?’

‘I misread the dimensions. I was looking for something a lot smaller, a … starter dildo.’

Jimmy laughed, and it was a relief to hear the sound.

‘Maybe try again, get the right size, and we can give it a go.’

But Duncan shook his head.

‘No. It was a daft idea.’

‘What did I just say?’

‘If anything’s getting inside you, it’s going to be me. Not some… plastic porn appendage.’

Jimmy was still laughing but Duncan decided he needed to learn to keep some thoughts to himself. Maybe employ some form of mental customs officer. 

’Not some what?!’

‘Plastic porn appendage.’

‘Well, let’s not let all your late night shopping go to waste. Maybe that DVD will change my mind.’

 

Or maybe not. The opening scene was of a guy with a dick thicker than Duncan’s dildo, essentially fucking an ass, for a full fifteen minutes. 

‘That cannot be real,’ Jimmy remarked.

‘It’s porn. They’re actors. He didn’t get the role because he could bring originality to the character.’

‘It looks…’

‘Really painful.’

‘Uncomfortable at the very least.’

‘It’s still porn.’

‘Good porn.’

‘Expensive porn.’

‘Big budget.’

‘Huge.’

Duncan almost laughed when Jimmy reached for his fly, caught himself right at the last second and in the next he didn’t have the breath to. In a move more graceful than Duncan would have thought him capable of, Jimmy stood up, wriggled out of his jeans and straddled Duncan’s legs. 

‘I think I’m too old for this,’ he murmured, but it didn’t stop him from stroking his hands over Jimmy’s lightly haired legs, fingers spread, mouth going dry at the sight of him with his legs splayed. He shifted forward, giving Jimmy room to slide forward, further into his lap. He wasn’t a light weight by any stretch of the imagination, but when he brought their erections together between his hands, the shock of pleasure was worth the effort.

Duncan knew he wouldn’t last. The sensations that rippled up his cock as it slid against Jimmy’s - the silky slide against blood-engorged muscle - was too much to bear for long. Jimmy sat up, hands on the back of the sofa, possibly in an effort to take his weight from Duncan’s legs, but he didn’t care about that. He grabbed Jimmy’s hips in an attempt to pull him further forward, grip hard enough to leave marks, and in response Jimmy growled; a low, animalistic noise torn from the back of his throat. He came hard and Duncan watched it, the sight of his lover’s climax enough to tip him over too.

‘Jesus,’ he muttered, when he was able to talk. 

Jimmy grinned, already carefully climbing off him, fetching the box of tissues from the sideboard; the most innocent evidence of their ongoing affair. On the television, the guy with the unfeasibly huge cock was still giving the other guy’s ass a hammering, Duncan reached for the remote and muted the sound before taking a handful of tissues and wiping away the mess they’d made. Jimmy was watching him, the same look of affection on his face that Duncan had been touched by earlier.

‘Shower?’

‘Sounds good. But I think we should go separately. You’re insatiable.’

He pushed himself to his feet, pushing his jeans all the way off and stepping out of them, starting for the door. When he glanced back, Jimmy was still standing in the middle of the living room, half-naked, feigning hurt.

‘Oh, good God.’ He shook his head and held out his hand. Jimmy took it with a sunshine smile, switching off the television and the DVD player as he passed. 

‘Don’t let me forget to take the disk out.’

‘That would be an entertaining conversation with your daughter.’

‘Oh, aye. I’d just say it was yours.’

‘In your player. In your living room. Like I said, entertaining conversation.’

Jimmy rescued the disk and they took it back upstairs with them. Nothing wrong with being careful.

 

~

 

_Landed in Glasgow. It’s raining. I hate this city_

**Raining here too. How are Mary and Bethany?**

_Not seeing them till tomorrow morning. Off to get a bite and a drink_

 

_Back at the hotel bar. Restaurants packed with students. Should students be able to afford to eat in restaurants?_

**They get loans. From their parents. I’m glad you’re rich :-)**

_Need to talk to you about that_

**Don’t worry. You’re not going to hurt my feelings if you pay for Cass to go to uni**

_Hoped not. Miss you_

**Make new friends**

_That would be cheating_

**You don’t have to shag everyone you talk to**

_Talking to strangers in bars is suggestive of shagging_

**I’ll remember that**

_Where are you?_

**Home. Kitchen. Not cooking**

_What are you doing?_

**Texting like a fourteen year old girl according to your daughter**

_Our daughter_

**Old romantic**

_What are you wearing?_

**Fuck off**

_Who does Cassie think you’re texting?_

**The pope**

_Seriously_

**Sandy**

_Sandy? Should I be jealous?_

**Now who’s the fourteen year old girl? Go away. I have work to do**

_Love you_

**Go away**

 

_Mary and Bethany send their love_

**Are you staying?**

_? No. ?_

**Thought you might have been meeting to patch things up**

_Idiot_

 

_There’s no getting rid of me_

 

_Ignore me all you want. I’m coming straight to your place tomorrow. Flight’s at 5_

 

_Jimmy?_

 

When the phone rang twenty minutes later, it was Cassie’s name that appeared on the screen.

‘Cass.’

‘Duncan?’ she sounded upset, and Duncan’s heart clenched in his chest. ‘Dad’s been hurt.’

 

He paid twice what he’d paid for the entire trip to swap his flight at last minute to the next one out. He called his client and cancelled the meeting he’d planned for the following morning. He still had to wait three hours for the plane to take off, three hours that he spent with a single glass of wine in the airport lounge, knowing he was going to be driving when they eventually landed, and breaking every speed limit between Tingwall and Lerwick. He didn’t want drunk driving added to any potential charges. He checked his phone every couple of minutes but there was no further contact from Cassie and although he tried to call Sandy, he didn’t get an answer. Cassie had said her Dad had been caught up in a fight but she hadn’t known much more, she’d just begged Duncan to come home. He would have gone back without a second thought simply because she’d asked him to, but he knew he was going back for his own selfish reasons too. 

He read back through the texts he’d sent to and received from Jimmy over the last few months. Cursory messages about contacts and rumours up until that weekend in August when Cassie had gone to the Edinburgh Festival. After that, their texts increased in frequency and intimacy. God help them if someone had a hold of Jimmy’s phone. 

The flight time was the same hour and a half it had taken on the way out but it felt an eternity longer. As soon as they landed, as soon as they could disembark, he ran across the tarmac and through the terminal, trying to remember where he’d parked the car. Cassie had told him Jimmy had been taken to the Gilbert Bain Hospital, that Sandy had collected her from school and was driving her over there. She’d called from his car.

He drove the six miles to Lerwick in under five minutes, knowing Jimmy would swing for him if he got caught speeding, or worse, but the road was blissfully quiet. The last mile was slower, caught by traffic lights and snagged behind people searching for a parking space without having the pay the exorbitant fees of the official sites.

Finally he pulled into the hospital car park, found a space with ease and ran to the entrance of A&E. 

‘Duncan Hunter,’ he said to the receptionist, because his name carried weight all over this island. ‘Jimmy Perez was brought in this morning? DI Jimmy Perez?’

‘Duncan?’ He glanced up, seeing Sandy standing in the doorway. 

‘Cassie called me.’

Sandy nodded. 

‘Come with me.’

He followed Sandy into the A&E ward. 

‘Is Jimmy all right?’ He was resisting the urge to grab the man by the shoulders and demand an answer.

‘He was stabbed just below his shoulder. The kitchen knife narrowly missed his lung.’

‘Kitchen knife?’

‘The one Mrs Anderson was wielding at her husband.’ 

It took a moment for that to sink in.

‘Moria Anderson?’

‘Aye. Pete called the station this morning saying his wife was trying to kill him. The inspector was out that way so he said he’d pay them a visit, talk her down. Twenty minutes later Pete called back saying the inspector had been stabbed and he’d called an ambulance. Tosh and I went straight over there. The ambulance had just arrived. Moira was crying, Pete was yelling at her…. They’re both back at the station in separate cells, cooling off.’ He stopped as the corridor made a left turn, and pointed down between the two rows of treatment bays. ‘He’s in the bed at the end on the left hand side. His daughter - your… daughter - Cassie’s with him.

Duncan thought he might have forgotten to say thank you, but he’d make that up to him later. He strode along to the end bay and peered in through the curtain pulled around the bed. Finally he was able to breathe again.

‘Jimmy.’ It came out on a relieved breath. Jimmy was sitting up on the bed, dressed in a white medical gown, right arm in a sling. Duncan could make out the edges of the dressing underneath, a large patch of square gauze fixed in place with tape. There was an IV in his left arm, a bag of blood, mostly empty, and saline, hanging on the hook behind his left shoulder, attached to his drip. Cassie was curled up on the far side of the bed, his left arm gingerly lying around her shoulders. She looked like a little girl again, something she hadn’t looked like in a very long time. 

‘Duncan. You didn’t have to come back.’

He dropped into the chair next to the bed and resisted the urge to reach out and touch. For now the sight of him alive and breathing had to be enough. 

Cassie reached for him across the bed and he leaned forward to meet her half way, grabbing her hand and squeezing it, holding on to it. 

‘Yes, I did,’ was all he could think to say. As soon as he was sure he wasn’t going to have a heart attack, he got up off the chair and walked around to where Cassie was lying, put his arm around her and hugged her tight, never taking his eyes from Jimmy’s face.

When she couldn’t see, Jimmy mouthed, 

‘Sorry,’ at him, before saying out loud, ‘I’m fine. It’s just a flesh wound.’

Duncan risked a touch of his fingers to Jimmy’s shoulder.

‘That’s not what Sandy said.’

‘Sandy exaggerates.’

‘If you don’t tell me the truth, I’ll ask a nurse and you know they’ll tell me.’

He sighed in resignation.

’You know Moira and Pete Anderson in Gulberwick?’

He nodded. ’They’re members of the golf club. Fiery couple. Always thought they’d kill each other one day. Likely today, if you hadn’t been there. Sandy said you got in the way of her knife.’ He fought to keep the latent terror and growing anger out of his voice. 

Possibly because there was another adult there to take charge now, Cassie uncurled herself from her dad and moved from the bed to the chair, leaning into Duncan’s side. Jimmy cautiously lowered his arm to the mattress and Duncan watched him relax back against the pillows.

‘I was trying to prevent her from killing him.’

‘Almost getting yourself killed in the process.’

Jimmy reached out and touched his hand where it was curled around Cassie’s shoulder, just for a second, with the last of his strength.

‘I’m okay.’

Duncan nodded.

‘Are they keeping you in?’

‘No. I’m just waiting for a doctor to give me the all clear and Sandy’s going to drive us home.’

‘I’ll drive you home. Let Sandy deal with the Andersons. Please.’

‘Okay. Thank you.’

‘You don’t need to thank me.’ There was so much more that he wanted to say but couldn’t. He could see in Jimmy’s eyes that he understood. They could talk later, when they were home and Cassie was asleep and Jimmy was rested and in less pain. Duncan could see he was hiding it.

‘I’ll find someone to unhook you and give you some of the good stuff to take home.’

He gave Cassie another tight hug before untangling himself, promising her he’d be right back.

 

It took another two hours to get Jimmy released. Mostly it was spent waiting. Duncan took Cassie over to the canteen before it closed and bought her a plate of chips. Jimmy, he knew, slept through their brief absence but he’d woken up again by nine, when a nurse finally took out his IV and handed him his clothes which Cassie helped him into. A doctor issued him with a large box of Codine tablets, lectured him about the warnings on the packet, then released him into Duncan’s care.

He brought the car around to the entrance of A&E and Cassie helped her Dad carefully into the back seat, giving him the room he needed to get comfortable, fastening his seatbelt before she climb into the front. He was asleep again by the time they reached the house; the effects of the drugs, Duncan suspected. They had to wake him, then Duncan backed off and let Cassie go upstairs with him to help him into bed while he waited in the kitchen with a glass of wine and a head full of thoughts he didn’t know what to do with.

When Cassie came down, he poured her a glass and they sat on the sofa and watched the television with the sound turned down. Eventually she asked him about Mary and Bethany, and he told her they were fine. She thanked him for coming home early and he put his arm around her shoulders and that’s how they remained until midnight when she went up to bed and Duncan slept on the sofa. He didn’t mind. He’d had some good times on Jimmy’s sofa.

 

~

 

Jimmy was awake and was making a valiant attempt at getting out of bed when Duncan took him up a mug of coffee, two slices of toast and a codine tablet.

‘Oh, Christ, don’t start nursing me, please.’

‘People have told me I’d make a great nurse.’

‘I don’t think you’d look so good in the uniform.’

‘I’ve got great legs!’

He put the mug and plate on the bedside table and waited for the simple action of sitting up to exhaust him. 

‘Eat the toast so you can take the pill.’

‘I’m not taking one of those. There’s paracetamol in the bathroom.’

‘You’ve been stabbed! I’m not sure paracetamol is going to cut it.’

‘Those things are no better than legal highs!’

Knowing this wasn’t a battle he was going to win, at least until Jimmy was in enough pain to make surrender his only option, Duncan fetched two paracetamol and a glass of water from the bathroom and sat on the edge of the bed while Jimmy took them and reached for the coffee.

‘Where’s Cassie?’

‘I took her to school. She’s going to sort out lifts with her friends until you’re fixed.’

Jimmy nodded.

‘I’m sorry you had to come home early. I didn’t know Cassie had called you, and I know you came because she needed you to-‘

‘I came because she told me you’d been hurt.’ It would be a while before the memory of that sharp stab of fear at her words faded to something that didn’t make his stomach clench.

‘I’m fine.’

‘You could have been killed.’

‘I’m a policeman. It can be dangerous sometimes. Besides, she wasn’t trying to kill me, she was trying to kill Pete and I just got in the way.’

‘That makes me feel so much better.’

He put a hand on Jimmy’s knee, over the duvet, just needing some sort of contact. Cassie was at school. He could have stripped off and crawled into the bed with him if he’d wanted, but something was stopping him. What he actually wanted to do, to his surprise and confusion, was get out of there.

‘Duncan. I’m fine. If you want to leave, just go.’

‘I just….’

Jimmy nodded. 

‘I know. It’s okay.’

He stood up, not really understanding what he was doing.

‘I’ll come by later.’

Another nod. Then he was out of the room, down the stairs and outside without a clue as to exactly what had happened.

 

~

 

He stopped the car in a lay-by. He was high up in the hills, to the north of the island, a good forty minutes away from Lerwick, away from Jimmy’s place.

He got out of the car and started to walk, heading north-west, just taking one step after another until there was a large bolder in his way, which he sat on, looking out over the green land to the pale blue sea in the distance.

All he’d wanted while he was in Glasgow was to be back on the island, home, with his eldest daughter and her Dad. It was all he still wanted. He hadn’t realised how much the idea of losing either of them scared him until he’d heard Cassie’s tearful voice over the phone yesterday.

He’d been so in love with Fran when he’d married her, but that had faded quickly. Same with Mary. He knew that was why Jimmy was loathe to see their affair as anything more than that. Walking out on him less than twenty four hours after he’d been stabbed wasn’t going to help his case, and if Cassie found out he’d left there would be hell to pay. But Jimmy had understood it, even if he still didn’t. It wasn’t the commitment that frightened him, or put him off, and it wasn’t the end of the chase either. The reason he went from one business venture to the next was that he liked to make something out of nothing and to see that something fly. It was the same reason he’d been happy for Cassie to go to Edinburgh that weekend while Jimmy was reluctant. Fran had been better off without him, because she’d found Jimmy who was a substantially better man and a hell of a better father than he would ever be. Mary was better off without him because she’d been able to return to the mainland, something she’d hoped he would want one day. He couldn’t see himself ever leaving. Out here he was a big man in a small pond, as Jimmy had told him often enough. On the mainland, in the real world, he’d be nothing, no one. He would have to start over and he was too damn old for that. 

Jimmy wouldn’t ever leave either. He loved Shetland, loved the peace of the remoteness, the slow pace of life. He was one of only a handful of people Duncan knew had no trouble sleeping through the bright nights of summer. 

They could so easily grow old together here. If they made it that far. It they didn’t, it would be down to him, that much was obvious.

 

~

 

Duncan saw Jimmy step out into the yard as he pulled the Land Rover up beside the house. He had his right arm in its sling over a denim shirt, half wearing a thick cardigan that was hanging on his right shoulder. He had a glass in his left hand, something that definitely wasn’t going to sit well with prescription drugs. Duncan hoped he wasn’t the cause of the booze.

‘Hi,’ he called down. 

Jimmy looked up, saw him, and smiled, and Duncan felt the worry lift from his shoulders. 

‘Hey.’

He jogged down the slope to the yard, stopped a foot from Jimmy and risked a careful hug, arms around his shoulders.

‘Ouch.’ He felt Jimmy flinch and immediately let go, taking a step back. ‘It’s okay,’ he was still smiling. ‘I’m just still sore.’ He put out his left arm. ‘Take a look.’ Duncan pushed his sleeves up gently and sucked in his breath when he saw the bruise, dark purple and the size of his hand, stretching from half way up his forearm to the crease of his elbow. ‘From the IV.’

He pulled his cuffs back down and for a second squeezed his hand. 

‘I’m sorry about this morning.’

‘Don’t be. I’m kinda back you came though.’ 

‘I was always planning on coming back. I just -‘

‘Where the hell have you been?!’ 

Jimmy flinched. 

‘Forgot to say, Cassie’s home from school.’ He said it in the forced, happy tone of a man who’d already spent time being berated for not letting her know he’d been on his own all day.

Duncan looked up to see her standing in the doorway, hand on the frame, stance as challenging as she got. 

’You were supposed to be looking after him!’

‘I told you, I don’t need looking after!’ Jimmy tried to defend them both but he knew that wasn’t going to appease her.

‘He was stabbed yesterday, do you not remember that? He’s got a knife wound to one arm and a bruise the size of the island on the other and you upped and left him? What were you thinking?’

‘I am here!’ Jimmy insisted. Duncan didn’t even try to get a word in.

‘Are you incapable of any form of responsibility?’

Jimmy turned to face her. 

‘Hey! That’s enough! You can’t talk to your father like that. I can. You can’t.’

‘He abandoned you, Dad.’

‘He’s ne responsible for me! I’m old enough to look after myself, thank you, even with one arm.’

‘It didn’t look that way from the state of the kitchen when I got home, did it?’

‘I said, I knocked the bottle off the side. It was an accident.’

‘Is that wine?’ She pointed to the glass still clutched in his left hand. ‘You shouldn’t be drinking with the drugs you’re on.’

‘I was going to say that,’ Duncan risked.

‘You’d probably have poured it for him.’

‘Then it’s a good thing I wasn’t here…’

She rolled her eyes, shook her head and went back inside.

‘She gets that from you,’ he accused and Jimmy glared at him, eyebrows raised, but didn’t deny it.

‘You’re in trouble with Tosh too. She dropped by at lunchtime, when I was throwing up. Results of taking codine on an empty stomach apparently.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be. You being here wouldn’t have changed anything. I was in pain, I took the drugs, fell asleep on the sofa, woke up and made it to the sink. Tosh arrived just at the wrong time. Lovely for her.’

 

Cassie made a baked chicken and pasta dish that owed more to his teachings than to Jimmy’s, he thought proudly, but didn’t dare say it. She’d probably have kicked him under the table. But at least she’d dropped the subject of why he’d left that morning. He knew he was going to have to make up for it, he’d put himself back a ways in her eyes, and he’d worked damn hard to build himself up over the years. Leaving her dad to fend for himself with a stab wound in his shoulder had been a dumb thing to do, a selfish thing to do. But he’d done it anyway.

They played cards for a bit after washing up. Then Cassie said goodnight and he went out to light the fire pit. The nights were darker now, colder. Real islanders didn’t feel the cold, but Jimmy was injured and that was something he needed to remember for a few weeks. Jimmy joined him out there and for a few minutes they sat in a silence that was comfortable, as if today hadn’t happened.

Then Jimmy sat forward and reached for Duncan’s hand with his left, playing with his fingers.

‘Last night, I dreamt about an old friend, Jerry Markham., he was killed in the summer.’ Duncan nodded. He remembered. ‘I saw his body in the car wreck, the following morning. And after you left, I started thinking how I would feel if one day I turned up at a scene and it was you dead in the driver’s seat of your car, how it would feel to see the life gone from you, all your… vitality.’ He smiled as he looked up from under blond lashes. Duncan stroked the back of Jimmy’s hand, sweeping round to rest his fingertips over the pulse point in his wrist, mindful of the bruise. ‘I realised I wouldn’t know how to deal with it, or with a call to an accident you were involved in. And that made me think how you must have felt yesterday, hearing Cassie say I’d been hurt, how you must have felt in the hospital. Because if it had been you lying there I’d have wanted to touch, to have that right, for people to know that… we’re more than friends.’

‘You think that’s why I took off?’

Jimmy regarded him appraisingly. 

‘I think that might have been a part of it. I know working it out scared the crap out of me. I think I’d have taken off too.’

‘No, you wouldn’t. I’m an idiot. I’ve walked away from everyone I’ve ever loved. The fact that Cassie even knows me is down to you. I’m not going to make that mistake again.’ He curled his fingers gently around Jimmy’s wrist. ‘I don’t want to lose you. I do love you. What I did this morning was unforgivable.’

‘Don’t be ridiculous.’

‘Jimmy-‘

‘I forgive you. See? Completely forgivable.’

Duncan shook his head. 

‘Eventually I’ll do something you can’t just brush aside.’

‘You’ve been trying for long enough. We’re both going to make mistakes because we’re human. But I think we know each other well enough to recognise them and even anticipate some of them.’ He shook his head. ‘We’re having more conversations than sex at the moment. We need to do something about that.’

 

~

 

Duncan was at home, on a conference call with a shipping company based in London, when Jimmy’s Volvo pulled into his driveway. He tried to remember the last time Jimmy had been over and thought it was probably the night after Mary left, when he’d brought a crate of whisky and enough food to feed an army.

He opened the door, still on the call. Jimmy didn’t look as if anything was wrong. He didn’t look upset. He was smiling, a little ruefully, and Duncan got the distinct feeling he needed to get off the call immediately. 

At the risk of missing something of great importance, he interrupted with, 

‘I’m sorry, I’m going to have to call you back,’ and hung up the phone, waiting for Jimmy to step inside.

‘So, I was thinking about all that sex we’re not having….’

Duncan let the door slam shut as Jimmy crowded in. He didn’t need asking twice, reaching around to push his fingers through the short hair at the back of Jimmy’s head, angling his face and meeting him in an open-mouthed kiss.

Somehow they made it to the bedroom, discarding clothes as they went. Jimmy’s hands on him were more certain than they had been in the past, more sure about his welcome maybe, aching up into Duncan’s touch once he had him on his back on the bed. They were still learning each other, getting to know the places and touches they liked and loathed, lines and limits, little kinks. It had been weeks since they’d managed to find any time to spend together - Jimmy had only been discharged from outpatient care a couple of days ago, something Duncan only knew because Cassie had texted to tell him. He hadn’t been allowed to drive until then. Their daughter had been understandably uneasy for a couple of weeks after the incident, wanting to spend more time than usual in her Dad’s company, so Duncan hadn’t seen much of her either. Plus, he’d been busy with work, in Glasgow on a couple of trips, and London, trying to put how he felt out of his mind, trying not to think that it was possibly over, convincing himself that he was okay if it was.

One push of Jimmy’s eager erection into his hands dismissed all of those ideas, those fake convictions, and it was with grateful relief that Duncan went down on him, sucked his cock, mouthed his balls, licked a slick line along his perineum and wondered how far Jimmy would let him go. He wetted one finger and rubbed it over Jimmy’s hole, waiting for the hesitation that never happened, so that when he pressed just a fingertip inside, Jimmy surprised him by coming like a freight train.

Duncan let go of the breath he hadn’t realised he was holding.

‘Jesus….’

‘Sorry,’ Jimmy was laughing, bright and beautiful.

‘Can I…?’ He had no idea where his brevity had come from or what he was really asking for, but Jimmy nodded,

‘Yeah.’

He squirmed until Duncan let him up enough to let him roll over. All he could do was stare.

‘Tell me you still have that stuff you bought.’ 

Yes, he did, but he had no idea where it was, in the drawer by the bed where he’d stashed the lube and the dildo with vague ideas of playing sometime although he hadn’t. 

‘And tell me you’ve done this before.’

‘Once or twice.’

‘Good. I haven’t, so go easy.’

He desperately wanted to know what had changed Jimmy’s mind, this wasn’t something most men would wake up one morning and decide to try. But right at that moment he could barely think straight, never mind have that conversation. He got the lube on his fingers, on his cock, dribbled it along the crack of Jimmy’s ass and lay down, half on top of him, half beside him, pushing at the back of one of his knees with his foot to get him to bend it, making it easier to find all those places that made Jimmy quiver and moan. He kissed his shoulder, his neck, his back, finally pushing a single finger inside him, all the way to the knuckle, angling it until he found his prostate.

Jimmy swore, pushing back, and Duncan thought for a moment that he was going to come just from the sight and the sound and the smell of this. One touch to his almost painful erection and he thought it might be all over. But Jimmy tuned his head and nailed him with a heated glare and he didn’t need telling twice. He pressed his fingernails gently into the base of his cock to take the edge off, then shifted until he was lying over Jimmy’s back, propped up on one arm, ungracefully positioning himself. The first push was difficult, painful for the guy on the end of it, he knew from experience, and he stroked Jimmy’s side to ease the tension in his body, forehead rested against his spine until he started to breathe again. He felt the moment his body relaxed, and he was able to push the rest of way inside until his balls were squashed between them.

Reaching up, he laced sweat-damp fingers between Jimmy’s where they clutched at the sheet. He couldn’t imagine what had made Jimmy come to him today for this but he would be eternally thankful. He lifted his hips, sliding out before pressing back inside, slick heat all around him. He did it again. And again. And came hard enough that his vision blurred and his arm gave way, collapsing him onto Jimmy’s back with a grunt. He squeezed his eyes closed, squeezing his lover’s fingers, hoping to God they were still okay.

He moved as soon as he could, sliding out carefully, rolling off. He dreaded what he would see on Jimmy’s face, but when he turned his head, what he saw was the most incredibly smug expression he’d ever been witness to, obscene happiness in blown blue eyes. Duncan felt a little like crying when Jimmy moved and kissed him, just a lingering touch of lips to lips. Then he turned gingerly onto his side and stroked his semi-crushed fingers over Duncan’s chest.

‘Wasn’t as bad as I thought it was be,’ he murmured, and Duncan laughed.

‘Oh, thanks.’

He caught sight of the scar below Jimmy’s right shoulder. It still looked angry, although the stitches were gone and the doctor had apparently promised it would fade with time, or so Cassie had said in one of her many texts about her Dad’s recovery.

‘I missed you,’ Jimmy told him, as if that explained it all.

‘I missed you too. I wasn’t sure you were coming back.’ Jimmy’s expression said it all. ‘I know, I should have texted, called, something.’

‘We’re both idiots. I thought you were working, Cassie said you’d been away a lot. Although you weren’t texting me inappropriate suggestions all day and all night. I should have known something was up.’ Jimmy’s hand had fallen away and Duncan needed to be touching. He stroked the straw blond hair, pale shoulder, pink nipple. ‘Are you okay?’

‘I should be the one asking you that.’

‘And now that you are, I could use a shower.’

He extracted himself and sat up carefully.

‘Jimmy….’

‘I’m fine. I figured it couldn’t hurt more than being stabbed, and I was right.’

Duncan stared. 

’Seriously?’

He shrugged and nodded. 

‘It was a thought I had as I was lying in hospital being stitched up and feeling sicker than I have done in a long time. Sorry. Were you hoping for a more romantic revelation?’

‘Wouldn’t have hurt.’ He took Jimmy’s outstretched hand and followed him into the en-suite.

 

Jimmy couldn’t stay, he had to pick Cassie up from school and he got the impression he was still on duty. They kissed in the hall, Duncan promising to text and call and drop by in the next few days. Jimmy promised to text the moment Cassie told him she was going out for the night with her friends. Friday was a good bet.

Duncan leaned against the doorframe, jeans hanging off his hips, shirt haphazardly buttoned up and hanging out over his trousers, watching Jimmy walk to his car. He felt lighter than air, happier than a kid at Christmas. 

Jimmy opened the driver’s door and stepped around it, leaning on the frame. He called back,

‘Duncan?’

‘Aye?’ 

‘Do you still think we should move in together?’

Duncan froze, air suddenly trapped in his throat. Somehow he managed to force a single word out of his mouth,

‘Yes.’

He nodded, just case the word didn’t make it.

‘Okay. Then we should talk to Cassie.’

Duncan still hadn’t managed to move by the time he lost sight of Jimmy’s car.

 

~

 

Sitting in their living room, Jimmy took the lead as Duncan watched Cassie glancing from one of them to the other and back, expression a mix of curiosity and concern.

‘Is everything all right?’ she asked eventually. And Jimmy nodded.

‘Everything’s fine, love. We were just wondering… how you'd feel about the three of us... living together? I mean, not for a while, and not here. Duncan's bought some land on the other side of Gremista and we thought....'

Jimmy glanced at him pleadingly and he stepped in, like an imaginary game of tag.

‘It's going to be a big house, lots of room, too much for me to rattle around in on my own. You'd have your own space, somewhere to take your friends, somewhere you know you can always come home to when you go away to university.'

Cassie was still looking from one to the other, but curiosity and concern had been replaced by obvious confusion. 

'I don't understand. Why do you want to live in the same house? Won't you just kill one another?'

Jimmy shook his head, Duncan hid his amused smile. 

'No. We've been... getting on better, these last few months. I mean, the house will take a while to complete and we can't know what's around the corner but we think... we think this is a good idea.'

That cleared up nothing, but then again Duncan had nothing to add. It was so much more difficult saying this to her face.

'Dad, if this is for my sake.... We're fine, aren't we? The mortgage....'

Christ, she'd grown up.

Jimmy sat forward, forearms on his legs, hands clasped, obviously trying to to find a way to say what he needed to say. Even in Duncan's head it sounded insane and he and Jimmy had been having sex for the last six months, at every available opportunity.

'It's not that, sweetheart. Duncan and I... we want to live together.'

She looked incredulous. 

'Why?' 

Duncan thought maybe he should be taking offence, but this was the same reaction they were going to get from every single person who knew them, so he might as well get used to it.

Jimmy took a deep breath.

'Six months ago, when you were in Edinburgh... Duncan and I spent the weekend together.' It came out in a rush and then he held his breath. Duncan did too, watched his daughter's face for some sort of reaction, but Jimmy's meaning had obviously been lost. Was it honestly that difficult to imagine them as a couple? Okay, not couple perhaps, because yes that sounded impossible even to him. But at least as a fling. That would be a good start.

'Okay.' She obviously wasn't getting it.

'We've spent a lot of time together since then.'

She nodded.

'I still don't understand why you two being friends means you want to live together. You've always been friends.'

Duncan knew there was only one way. He snaked his arm up under Jimmy’s left and pushed his hand between his hands, lacing their fingers together. He could feel the warm of his palms, could tell how nervous he really was by the way he clung to him at that opportunity. Cassie saw it too.

'Oh. My. God.'

Jimmy’s rueful expression gave nothing away about how much this conversation had scared the crap out of him.

‘We didn’t mean for this to happen, we never in a million years expected it would happen. But it did.’

‘So you mean, you literally spent the weekend together?'

Jimmy nodded. 

'Yes.'

‘Wow. And you’ve been… spending time together ever since?’

‘Yeah.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me before?’ 

She still didn’t sound angry, just stunned. 

‘We didn’t want to say anything before we knew it was something that might stand a chance of lasting. We’ve… done this before, years ago, just… one night things. They never went anywhere. We thought this might be like that. Then we realised it wasn’t. But there was still no point in talking about something that wasn’t worth the bother. We think now… we think it is. If you want us to keep this quiet until you’re away to university, we will and we’ll be fine with that. It won’t change anything for us. But if you think it’ll make your life easier….’

‘It’s 2014, Dad,’ she said in her best ‘get with the modern world’ tone, ‘Marie at school has three mums and Julie’s brother’s dating the guy who works behind the bar at The Lounge.’

Duncan tried to think if he’d slept with the guy behind the bar at The Lounge.

‘We just want you to be comfortable with this. I mean, we won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable and if we do, you just need to say.’

She held up her hands. 

‘Kids do not want to know that much detail about what their parents do no matter what gender they are!’ Her expression changed again. ‘Do you guys… kiss?’

Jimmy nodded. Duncan stayed silent. 

‘Quite well, actually.’

‘Show me.’

‘Cass, if you don’t -‘

‘Show me. Otherwise I don’t think I’ll ever believe it.’

Jimmy shrugged and turned to look at Duncan. He smiled, thinking that what he had in mind was a quick meeting of mouths. Turned out he had something a bit more explicit in mind.

As kisses went, it wasn't their best. Their best involved banging doors and cracking furniture. But it wasn't bad.

‘Wow. No one is ever going to believe this. Does anyone else know?’

‘No. You had to be the first and whether or not we tell other people depends on how you feel about it and what you want. You’ll still the most important person in the world to both of us, we need you to know that.’

She rolled her eyes. 

‘I’m not a kid, Dad. It’s okay. I’m surprised, yes. Shocked, even. But I’m not going to run away because my two Dads have fallen for one another, as crazy as that is.’ She was still looking from one to the other like she couldn’t quite believe it. ‘Dad… are you sure about this?’

Duncan definitely wasn’t going to take offence at that. Although he couldn’t resist a comment.

‘I’ve asked him that every time I’ve seen him.’ He was placated by Jimmy squeezing his hand between both of his own and leaning over to playfully kiss his cheek.

‘Sorry,’ Cassie apologised, ‘I didn’t mean….’

‘Hey, you’re concerned about your Dad. It’s okay.’

‘I’m fine,’ Jimmy got two words in. ‘Honestly, love, like I said, neither of us expected this, neither of us was looking for it. And we’ve talked it to death. It’s survived since August, and you know what we’re like, so it’s got a good chance of being a success.’

She nodded with a still-stunned smile.

‘I’m not saying it isn’t going to take some getting used to, but you both look happy so I guess I’m happy.’ She shrugged, then frowned. ‘It’s going to make playing you off one another a lot harder though. And I’m not pleased about that.’

 

~

 

Duncan turned the Land Rover into the gravel driveway and crept it up the steep incline until the cabin came into view. Leaning forward between the two front seats, Cassie pulled a face which he caught in the rearview mirror.

‘It’s a bit pokey, isn’t it?’

‘Aye, well,’ Jimmy responded without missing a beat, ‘you’re off to university and Duncan and I are hardly ever home.’ Duncan laughed. It felt good to laugh. Jimmy twisted in his seat. ‘The cabin’s coming down, love,’ he explained while Duncan turned the car and parked side on to the view the new house would enjoy. Jimmy handed her the plans they’d received from the architect earlier in the day. 

The general idea was a modern two storey build with a first floor balcony across the front of the house and glass windows on the ground. Lots of glass, lots of wood, lots of light.

‘You’ll have your own space.’ Jimmy pointed out the two rooms on the right hand side at the back of the house, along a short corridor. ‘Your bedroom and a lounge big enough for two sofa beds, if you want to have your friends to stay.’

They’d discussed it.

‘You’ll have privacy, somewhere you can bring people back to where you’ll be safe.’ Duncan hoped his meaning was implied. They’d discussed that too.

Apparently she got it, because when he cut the engine and turned around to look at her, she was beaming.

‘Dad, can we afford this?’

Something else they’d discussed. 

Duncan’s plans for the land and the build had always involved selling the house he’d lived in with Mary and Bethany. But Jimmy’s input from the sale of his and Cassie’s place, once they were able to move in, helped considerably. The paperwork would show the house as belonging in equal parts to both of them, going to Cassie in the event, events, of their deaths. Duncan had a trust fund set up for Bethany.

‘Aye, we can,’ Jimmy assured her. ‘We’ve been through it all, don’t worry.’

Getting out of the car, Duncan leaned back against the warm bonnet to watch while Jimmy helped Cassie visualise what the house was going to look like. He watched. and wondered how he could have known the man so long without realising how much he would love him once he let himself.

Turning to look at the view, he imagined waking up in what was going to be his and Jimmy’s room on the front of the house, looking out over the north sea. The architect’s design meant the cliff would hide the road from the house and the house from the road. It wasn’t just Cassie’s privacy they’d considered. 

After a few minutes, Cassie and Jimmy joined him back at the car and he felt Jimmy’s arm curl loosely around his waist. It was good to be able to have this physical intimacy out in the open. Cassie didn’t seem remotely bothered by it. A comment when she caught them kissing in the kitchen, a roll of her eyes when they hugged one another goodbye on the rare occasions one of them had to travel away from the island, but they’d made her promise she would tell them if anything they did or said upset her. That had brought another roll of her eyes but she’d given them her word. So far she seemed unbothered by them, undaunted by plans for their new home, and excited by the idea of having her own space. And the car Duncan had promised to buy her, to put the lessons from Jimmy for her seventeenth birthday to use.

‘It’s fantastic.’ She got her arm around him too, and just for a second, Duncan had two of the people he loved most in the world hugged into his sides. Then she was away, spreading the plans for the house out on the bonnet of the Land Rover, asking about details of the design. He couldn’t remember ever being this happy. 

Thank Christ for Evie and her possessive father. Without them, he doubted he and Jimmy would ever have realised any of this was possible.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Early January was white and freezing at the best of times, dark and freezing at the worst. On one particular morning, sleet overnight and temperatures plummeting with the sunrise had turned the roads into deathtraps and three accidents had been reported before the kettle had boiled at the police station. 

Sandy took the fourth call even as he was flinging his thick coat over the back of his chair. He scribbled down the details as Jimmy made the coffee and only when he turned to hand his Detective Constable an old mug with ‘Scotland’s Answer to George Clooney’ emblazoned in red across it did he catch the expression on his face, frozen somewhere between horror and dread. 

Jimmy felt something heavy in the base of his stomach.

‘What?’ He hesitated. ‘Sandy, what?’

‘A fire crew on their way to an accident in Brindister spotted a Land Rover off the road, down in a ravine. One of thee crew stayed behind and called in to say that the driver’s dead.’ He swallowed. ‘The car’s registered to Duncan Hunter.’

Sandy took the mug from Jimmy before he dropped it, thankfully, because he felt cold suddenly, the nerves in his hands numbing like the rest of him. Duncan wouldn’t be so reckless, he knew the roads on the island better than anyone, he drove the best vehicle for these conditions with winter tyres fitted. He wouldn’t, for God’s sake, he wouldn’t leave him, wouldn’t leave Cassie. He tried to breathe and found that he couldn’t. His throat was closing, tears blossoming in his eyes.

‘Some fucking asshole has stolen my fucking car!’

The flood of relief at hearing Duncan’s voice threatened to drown him. He turned, finally able to get oxygen into his lungs as he looked the man up and down, then took two steps to the doorway and grabbed Duncan up in a fierce hug.

‘Whoa….’ Duncan returned it, probably without thinking, holding on tight because this was maybe the first time in his life Jimmy had hugged him in public. He had to know something was up. 

Jimmy felt Duncan’s breath against his neck. Sandy wasn’t stupid or blind. He was going to see through this in a second. But Jimmy no longer cared, and when he was finally able to let go, he stepped back to drink in the expression on Duncan’s animated face, emerald eyes alive and wide. ‘What?’

‘Whoever stole your car,’ Sandy explained, sounding like he’d put two and two together and hadn’t quite made four yet, ‘crashed off the road to Brindister. He’s dead. We just got the report in.’

It took a second, then he got it.

‘Jesus….’ He put his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder and Jimmy reached up, folded his fingers around his wrist and found his pulse, feeling it strong and steady. ‘God, you thought it was me.’ Jimmy nodded once. ‘I’m… fine. Pissed off but that’s my lot. The Land Rover was parked outside the Lerwick Hotel. I was there last night with a business client. By the time we’d finished the weather was so bad I just decided to stay. When I went out this morning, the car had gone.’

Jimmy listened to the simple explanation, feeling like he might have had a minor heart attack in the last couple of minutes. 

‘It’s like an ice rink out there,’ Tosh exclaimed as she walked through the other door into the office. She took one look at Jimmy and Duncan and made four instantly, blurting out, ‘I knew there was something going on with you two!’ before remembering that was her boss she was talking to. ‘Sorry. Sir.’

Jimmy tasked her with making more coffee and going out for biscuits as punishment.

‘We’ve been together since the weekend Cassie went to the Edinburgh Festival,’ Jimmy told Sandy and Tosh, once they’d all been furnished with hot drinks and chocolate Hob Nobs. He and Duncan sat in chairs pushed closed together, shoulders touching. He needed to feel him, kept glancing at him, just to reassure himself he was alive. He was fine. He hadn’t left them.

‘Last August?’ Sandy asked, and Jimmy nodded.

‘Aye.’

‘But that means it’s been… six months.’

‘Aye. Call yourselves detectives?’

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
>  
> 
> [Published Fiction](http://www.madeleine-marsh.com/)


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